


Red Threads Interwoven

by AsheCorinthos



Category: Vocaloid
Genre: Angst and Tragedy, Death, Drama, F/M, Fantasy, Fate, Friendship/Love, Heartache, Loss, Love, Multi-universe, Mystery, Red String of Fate, Romance, Sibling Incest, Song-Based
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-23
Updated: 2017-02-06
Packaged: 2018-06-03 21:29:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 34,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6627181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AsheCorinthos/pseuds/AsheCorinthos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'I will make your suffering everlasting.'</p><p>Len and Rin are two entwined people, whose souls are tied together by fate's red thread. The fabled 'soulmates', their path is destined to be blessed with good fortune, their existence keeping the balance in check. </p><p>However, when tragedy unexpectedly occurs, their stories are altered as the weights of the balance are thrown off and plunged too far into darkness. Forced into a cycle of evil, grief and despair, will they ever reach the happy end they desire?</p><p>Or will the darkness tear them apart forever?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

In this world, there exists a balance.

This balance consists of light and darkness. Light embodies all things good; such as an innocent life, a warm breeze, a smile. Darkness embodies the opposite; such as a wicked storm, a betrayed heart, unhinged psychosis.

The fate of all living beings depends on this balance staying in check. Every individual life takes a path in the spectrum between good and bad. Once someone is born, their path has already been chosen for them.

Rarely, a perfect combination of light and dark is created. A person who is neither good nor evil.

When such a 'being' is created, it is split into two. Soulmates, if you will. Two souls who balance one another and keep the weights from tipping too far into one realm or the next. Their red threads of destiny and fate are entwined, interwoven into one another, forever tied with a bond unable to be broken. Their existences are foretold and blessed with good fortune.

However…

There is always the chance that the balance will be upset. Though it is a very small chance, such an event would cause great catastrophe if the balance tilts too far in the wrong direction. Should it fall too deeply into darkness, tragedy will prevail. This spells despair and pain for the 'soulmates'. If this should happen, their story will forever be altered, beginning a never-ending cycle of pain and sorrow.

Their souls will transcend through time, trying to restore what has been destroyed- yet they will never achieve the fabled 'happy ending' that is desired…

...Unless the balance is restored, no matter the cost.

* * *

A displeased expression resided on the man's face, his thin fingers tapping angrily on the arm of his chair.

"Even after all our effort, you are saying that they were reborn?"

The pawn he had angrily gazed upon shrank beneath the heavy weight of such disgust and disappointment. They knelt before him in humble submission, bowing deeply, too afraid to raise their head. In his presence, their small existence crumbled under his weighted aura.

"Yes, Master. The soulmates have once again been brought into the world."

The man's fist slammed down angrily into the thickly cushioned chair, making his quiet servant tremble with fear. Anyone could feel the vibes of pure outrage reverberating off the man's cold demeanor.

Growling, he had risen, his cloak- the embodiment of a sea of stars, yet able to show any man what true emptiness was- swishing about his tall figure. His pale fingers ran through his hanging silver locks, and his brilliant red eyes shone with unreleased anger. The man could be considered a fine candidate for a model. He didn't have a single blemish, scratch, or flaw on his entire frame. He stood with regal authority, not one hair out of place, not a single thread undone in his fine attire. His skin was beautifully translucent, his face handsome and defined. However, this was lessened by the cruel twist in his features that turned his expression from angelic to demonic.

His full lips curl into a smirk, and a low chuckle echoed through the wide room. He stood tall, and though his gaze was turned toward the ceiling, he was seeing past it to something different, something sinister and dark.

"...How long will we continue this dance?" he said to no one in particular, paying no mind to the servant fallen silent mere feet away. "Just how long will we be placed within this eternal struggle…?"

_Centuries. Millenniums. For the entirety of time itself, we have been part of this unseen war. You, fate's child and destiny's lover, and I… the true form of darkness. I thought that perhaps we had reached the end of our tragic story of rebirth and defeat, and yet still you return to taunt me._

_Not this time. I will not allow this cycle to continue any longer. I am finished playing games that the rules have long been obediently followed. Now, I will use my own rules, and bring this game to its final conclusion._

_You, the soulmates who have kept me from my triumph, will stand between it and I no longer._

_I will tip the scales in my favor and break every unspoken rule in order to win this ongoing battle. The darkness will snuff out your feeble light for the last time._

_And as for you…_

_I will make your suffering everlasting._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hey guys, guess what? I'm actually planning out a multi-chapter fic! *gasps all around* That's right! Something that *isn't* a oneshot!
> 
> This was beta'd by the wonderful Piriluk, who is very kind and helpful :3
> 
> I want you all to know- this will differ greatly than most my other stories. This has a tragedy tag for a reason- I'm going to do my best to rip your hearts out again- and again- and /again/. There will be no mercy for you poor Lenrin fans. I know- I have no mercy even on myself for this one. Writing the first chapter was literally one of the most painful things I've ever done, haha.
> 
> This story's ending is unclear- I won't let you know beforehand if it's ending or not in a certain arc. Whether Len and Rin have their happy ending, or the story they are part of is doomed to tragedy again- you'll only know once you read it. I don't know know how long this will be, but it all depends on whether I choose to allow them to be happy, or torn apart by fate once again.
> 
> Each arc will basically be a different song they are 'reborn' into, alright? Warnings for blood, swearing, suggestive situations, and this is going to be noncest and twincest. Letting you know now, alright?
> 
> Thanks for checking this out!
> 
> Read on~!
> 
> ~Disclaimer: I own a cloak made of a star-filled void, but not Len, Rin, or any other Vocaloid fanmade or otherwise- sadly.


	2. 'The Beginning'

Len glances down at his hands, rethinking every decision in his life that has led up to this moment. The red box in his grasp is glaringly obvious as he sits on a nearby park bench, and he has an absurd urge to hide the package behind his back, out of sight.

 _Quit being weird. Other guys do this normally too, right?_ Len scolds himself internally, shaking his head. _It is_ _not_ _as strange as it seems._

 _Well… it kind of is._ He searches the area, trying to spot a familiar short blonde walking his direction. _I doubt every guy would be waiting to confess to his best friend._

He frowns again at the box of chocolates his ever-so-considerate friend, Kaito, had handed him. " _Give her these and lay it on her, and you're golden,"_ the bluenette had said, flashing him a broad grin and winking at him. " _Believe me, everyone knows this can't possibly go wrong. Just get it over with already so we can stop watching you both pine over each other."_

Len grows nervous just thinking about it. Rin? Actually having feelings for him, too? That's definitely hard to believe. The girl hardly ever shows romantic interest in anything. (Not counting the time she fell head over heels for some fictional character named 'Shion' from something called 'Magico'. Whatever _that_ is.) He didn't even know she had a crush at all until her close friend Gumi kindly informed him the other day with a blow to the head and a disgusted remark about how oblivious he is.

You'd think, having been friends with Rin for several years now, he'd have picked up on that kind of thing, but Len has always had issues realizing someone's feelings. When shy, quirky nerd, Miku Hatsune, had come right out and confessed to him a few months ago, he'd been caught completely off guard- though later he was told she spoke about him all the time and dropped plenty of hints.

 _That was one of the most disastrous dates I'd ever witnessed,_ Len recalls. Not being one to just directly turn down a girl, he'd agreed to a single outing, which to this day he still regrets. He's labelled it the 'Unspeakable Date', and true to its name, he refuses to say a word about what happened that day and why Miku came to school the next day with half a pigtail missing, a sprained ankle, and a newfound fear of tomatoes.

Pushing away the unpleasant memories, Len returns to the situation at hand and debates. Should he really go through with it? It's been eating away at him for months now, and he's gone in circles repeatedly about what to do. If he decides to confess, he backs out at the last minute. If he chooses not to say anything? ...He looks at her, and the rush of affection he feels for her returns. It's a lose-lose situation for him.

Len can't exactly remember when it was that he fell for Rin- or even considered liking her that way. Rin has always been such a tomboy. While other girls chose to go clothes shopping, or to one of those group blind dates to find a boyfriend, Rin always preferred to hang back and play video games, or watch anime with him. It was one of the many things he liked about her- and much to his chagrin, he became way too used to treating her like a boy.

Though, when he had first met her, she definitely seemed girly. Gumi had introduced her with her usual flair, and Len was taken aback when he saw Rin. The opposite of Gumi's jaggedly cut green locks, torn shorts, and baggy long sleeved shirts, Rin stood there in an orange pleated skirt, a white t-shirt with some kind of chibi black sheep on it, soft blonde hair that brushed her shoulders, and a large bow on her head that was slightly askew. It was as if he was looking at a demon and angel standing side by side.

She had smiled and introduced herself, and even now he remembers thinking ' _wow, what a cute girl'_. Flustered, he'd made a joke and managed to get her to laugh, a tinkling sound he later loved hearing all the time.

_Wow… did I like her even back then?_

It became clear she wasn't an average girl after that, though. Rin was nothing like what he expected, and when he was on the receiving end of a punch that could almost put Gumi's to shame, he figured out that they suited each other far better than they appeared. Still, that didn't stop him and Rin from growing close. It's not exactly clear cut when they went from acquaintances to the closest in their small bunch of friends, but Len hasn't minded it in the slightest.

Len watches a couple walk along the path in front of him, hand in hand, laughing and talking in affectionate whispers. He blinks, then turns red, trying to imagine Rin and himself doing that exact thing. It's really strange to picture, but not unpleasant. _Would she really do something like that? With… m-me?_

" _You're such an idiot, Len. I honestly thought you were brighter than this, but apparently not."_ Gumi's biting words come back to haunt him. " _I mean, seriously, dude? How could you_ _not_ _catch on to your best friend's feelings?"_

He'd tried to find an excuse, but in the end, he felt Gumi was right. He probably should have known. It's just so surprising, though… How was he to know that the person Rin liked was none other than himself?!

"Len! Heyyyy~!"

Len's head snaps up, catching sight of a thin girl racing toward him. Her black hoodie bobs with every long stride, and Rin wears a grin so wide he could've seen it across the park. His chest constricts tightly with apprehension at her arrival, all his doubt returning in a flash. _Can I really do this? C- confess to_ _her_ _?_

"Hey, Rin." Len goes for a normal approach as she walks over, before realizing the box of chocolate is still in his hand. Panicking, he tries to shove it off to the side, but Rin sees it easily enough. Plopping onto the bench next to him, she tilts her head and gazes at him curiously.

"What's that? Did you get me something?" she asks suspiciously.

"Uh…" He swallows quickly. "...Y-yeah." Defeated, he hands the red box- tied with a cheesy pink bow he hadn't really noticed until just now- to her.

Her eyes narrow, and she makes no move to accept it. "This isn't another one of your prank gifts, right? I swear to god, Len, if fake rats are in here, I'm going to literally bury you six feet under."

Len shakes his head, momentarily regretting the one time he had done that to her. Not that he hadn't felt extreme remorse when Rin had opened said gift, and nearly threw him out of her bedroom window. "No, it's just… a thing. Take it," he pushes, thrusting the box into her hands.

 _Wow. Good job, Len. You sound so intelligent._ Len mentally facepalms.

Rin looks down at the gift, then at Len with curiosity. Shrugging, she tugs the ribbon off of the box and opens it, her eyes widening at the sight of various chocolates.

"Wow, thanks," she says, her suspicions disappearing as she reaches for one of the confections and bites into it. Rin glances at him and smiles. "What's it for, anyway?"

"Uh- um- n-no reason," Len responds, scratching the back of his head nervously and blushing.

Rin makes a face. "Now I feel bad. I didn't get you anything. Wanna share these?" she offers an unbitten piece from the tray.

"S-sure." He accepts the chocolate, leaning back into the bench and nibbling at it. Caramel filled.

For a few moments, they sit in silence, munching away at the box's contents, while Len tries to gather his courage from where Rin had scattered it. Has he always been this awkward around Rin? Nah… his own anxiety is getting to him.

 _C'mon, man up already,_ Len scolds himself internally. _Do you want to ask her out, or not?_

"...Hey, Len?"

He jumps in surprise as Rin speaks, before turning to her. She's gazing intently into the box opened in her lap, as if it has wronged her somehow. "Y-yeah?"

Her fingers twine and untwine themselves before her. "...Can I tell you something?"

Len stares at Rin, apprehension evident on his face. "...What? You can tell me anything, y'know?" Her tone worries him a little. She's not normally so quiet.

He's only further concerned when Rin's cheeks turn slightly pink. "Are you sure? You won't be mad at me?" The shy hesitance in her voice is baffling.

 _Is something bothering her?_ His mind works to figure it out- until the realization slaps him in the face like he'd just run into a brick wall.

 _Is- is_ _she_ _trying to confess to_ _me_ _?!_

Len's mouth starts moving on its own. "Nah, Rin, I'm sure it's fine, even though I- um, I don't know what it is, right? And I'm never really mad at you anyway, so don't worry about it." _Shut up, Len._ "I mean, you can go ahead and tell me anything, even if it's bad! W-wait, I'm not saying it is, but if it were! Er…" _Dude. Stop._ "I tell you everything, even if it's weird, right? So you can go ahead and just- just spit it out!"

At the end of his ramblings, Rin gazes at Len as if he had suddenly torn off his pants and done the hula, and Len's blush worsens incredibly. _Smooth. Way to go. If you hadn't seemed off earlier, she's going to definitely be on to you now._

"Um… okay then." Rin says slowly, like she's testing the waters to see if Len's sanity has vanished.

She shoots him a weird look before returning her gaze to the chocolates, and Len breathes a sigh of relief.

"So… if I told you I liked someone, what would you think of that?"

Len's entire body freezes up, and he stares at Rin, who refuses to meet his gaze.

"I, uh…" He forces his tone into normality, though his voice is quieter than he intends. "...I'd be happy for you."

"Really?" Rin glances at him now, and he panics internally, because he's torn between believing she likes him, and suddenly fearing their friends have it all wrong and there's some other guy she's interested in.

"Well, yeah, I'd be happy for you. I mean, you've never really liked anyone before and I think that's great! I mean, it's none of my business who it is, but if you like him he's gotta be a good guy." Oh no, he's running off at the mouth again. "Though I've probably never met him, or maybe I have, I dunno, but it's just so weird to hear that you like someone. Not that I'm complaining or anything, but-"

Rin smashes the top of the box into his face, effectively silencing him. He attempts to remove it, gripping the sides and shoving, but Rin uses both hands to keep it firmly pressed to his face. He mentally curses the fact that somehow, she's stronger than him. Unfortunately, the action also cuts off any air flow (and painfully smashes his nose in), and he can only manage a muffled sound of protest. Great. His best friend is going to suffocate him for talking too much. Fabulous.

"You're such a dork," Rin states, annoyed, from the other side of the lid. "Shut up for a second and listen, will you? Did you ever think that the person I like might be you?!" She goes painfully silent after her small outburst.

Len stops struggling in shock, and he feels Rin's hands recede from the lid. He slowly removes it, able to see her face again. It's colored deep crimson, mirroring his own. Her dark cyan eyes are directed down, glaring at her clenched fists.

"...Is it me?" he asks her tentatively.

"Isn't it obvious?" Rin shoots back, before pressing her lips into a thin line.

His chest feels a whole lot warmer, a mixture of giddy happiness and pleasant relief as his doubts vanish. Len reaches over, gently taking hold of one of her hands, and Rin's eyes flit to his face in confusion.

"Did _you_ ever think," Len starts off, giving her a small smile, "that I liked you, too?"

He finally said it. For some reason, it's not nearly as terrifying as it had seemed- must be thanks to her own confession. He watches her eyes widen in surprise.

"...Seriously?" Rin asks him, blinking. "Do you… actually have a crush on me?"

"Isn't it obvious?" he repeats her earlier retort, and she blushes, letting out a soft laugh. Her fingers loosen under his, and entwine around his own. Rin gazes at their hands, and Len can feel his heartbeat increasing.

He did it. Len actually confessed- and she feels the same way! It's a freakin' miracle! Here he is, holding Rin's hand, and it's literally the best thing he's ever felt. The only way it could get better is…

Rin seems to feel his eyes on her, because she looks up at him a moment later. He focuses on her face. Len's never really had a chance to examine it, but right now, this close to Rin, he can- he can memorize every green fleck in her beautiful blue irises, note how her blonde hair looks being lightly blown in the summer breeze. How cute it is, seeing her face burn so red... because of him. That thought makes him feel light inside.

Slowly, Len leans forward, mostly subconsciously, his focus more on her partially open lips now because it's just occurred to him- wow, they're so soft looking, and if he kissed her, would they feel that way? It's a burning curiosity, and he moves in more, closing his eyes-

"Mmph!"

The moment is ruined as Rin shoves a piece of chocolate directly into his mouth, inches before their lips can meet. He blinks in astonishment, unable to speak around the candy, as she makes another face at him and leans away.

"Hold on there, we're not even dating yet!" Rin protests, embarrassed. "Don't get ahead of yourself, banana boy."

Len quickly chews on the candy- ugh, the strawberry cream one- so he can respond, straightening up and frowning at her. "Hey, isn't this a mutual thing?" he asks, pouting at her.

"Yeah, but take it slow, dork, you can't just kiss a girl right after confessing!" Rin tells him, crossing her arms. "Geez."

Len flushes. "S-sorry. I just wanted to." He laughs nervously.

Rin puts the crumpled lid back on the box of chocolate. "W-well, not yet anyway. At least take me on a proper date first," Rin commands.

Before she can say anything, he leans in and pecks her cheek. "Is that okay for now?" he asks her, sounding severely shy. God, where did his manly pride go? He's reduced to a cheesy mess thanks to Rin.

Rin touches her cheek, and Len vaguely wonders if she's about to punch him for it before she speaks up. "...Yeah, I guess."

He brightens. "So… about that date…" Len trails off.

"Uhhh…. could the 'date' for today be us hanging at my place playing video games?" Rin asks him, brushing her bangs out of her eyes sheepishly. "Is doing that too weird now? I was originally going to ask if you wanted to fight me again in Naruto."

Len's eyes light up, and he feels his normal competitive nature kick in. He grins. "That sounds great, actually. I swear, I'll win this time," he vows.

Rin laughs. "Hah! As if! I'll maul you into next week. Gaara beats all."

"Let's just see who'll beat who," Len says, standing up and offering a hand to her. "C'mon."

She smiles brightly, and takes the invitation, getting to her feet-

-and a sudden, deep chill runs through both of them.

" _Suffer. Feel true, unbridled agony. I want to watch you squirm with fear- I want to see you crumble under despair."_

Len stares at Rin, who looks just as shell-shocked as he does. His mind whirls with a heavy dose of confusion, the mysterious, malice-laden voice replaying over and over in his head.

_What… was that…?_

"Len?" Rin starts to say, her expression a mixture of worry and fear. "Did you hear-"

Her sentence is interrupted then by screaming- and the sounds of gunfire.

"Rin, get down!" is Len's first response, grabbing the other blonde's arm and forcing her behind the bench. From under it, he can see along the walkway and to the cause of the outbreak of terror and violence.

A haggard man, wearing a ripped up beanie and dark clothes, is shooting at anything that moves with a small gun. His face is dirty and unshaven, and even from here, Len can distinguish the wild look in his eyes. _He's got to be crazy…! I've got to get us out of here!_

Rin's hand is tight around his own, her fear evident. He swallows hard, dread growing into a knot in his stomach. The man is screaming, though it's impossible to make any sense out of the animal-like roaring. Len and Rin both flinch simultaneously as two more shots ring out, and Len watches with horror as the couple from earlier, whom he had tried comparing he and Rin to, drop to the ground in lifeless heaps not too far away. Icy fear runs through his bloodstream.

"Rin," he starts, trying to sound braver than he feels. He's got to get her out of here. He has to get them _both_ out of here- alive. "When I count to three, we run."

"What? Len, are you crazy? We'll get shot!" Rin says in a panicked whisper.

"It's our only chance, alright? Or we'll get found here, and killed anyway. Do you want to take our chances, or sit here waiting to be seen?" Len asks her, gazing into her eyes searchingly. "Please. Come on, Rin."

Rin bites her lower lip, her pretty face far paler than normal. "...Okay. Okay, Len," she relents.

Len turns back to keep an eye on the whack job firing at random, inhaling deeply and making a silent wish. _Let this work._

When the man has turned away and started staggering in the other direction, Len begins counting. "One."

He gets to his feet, though stays crouched. Rin follows, still clutching his hand for dear life. "Two."

Steeling himself and watching the man a second longer, he finally whispers "Three!", dragging Rin with him and bolting as fast as his legs can carry him. _He didn't see, he didn't see-!_

An explosive shot throws that reassuring thought out the window, and Len can hear the crazed psycho behind them yelling vulgarities. Rin is fighting to keep pace with him, her fear driving her much like his is fueling his own steps.

"Ah!" Rin suddenly lets go of his hand and screams, a shrill, horrifying sound, at the same time another shot rings out. Len freezes, then whirls around. Adrenaline-laden fear courses through him as he stares at his fallen best friend.

Rin's clutching at her chest, blood pouring from between her fingers as she gasps in shock on the ground. Her other hand is barely propping her up, and Len rushes to her side, taking hold of her.

"Rin! Oh god, Rin!" he cries out, holding her close, covering her bloodied hands with his own. He can't believe what he's seeing- ruby red liquid staining her shirt and his own skin, and Rin soundlessly whimpering in pain,. He's truly horrified for the first time in his life. _No! Rin…!_ The thought of losing her is so much more than pure terror.

He doesn't register the muddy shoes walking forward, until piercing pain cuts through his shoulder, and he yells in shocked agony, thrown back by the shot. Electric fire pours through his body, every nerve screaming in warning as his own blood flows to color his clothing. A flash of light, and his eyes follow the glint of metal, looking up and straight into the barrel of the psycho's loaded gun. Stunned into inaction, he can only stare helplessly at the man, thoughts running as fast as lightning through his mind.

_No… No, this can't be how it ends._

_Just a few minutes ago, I… I confessed to the girl I love. I was happy- everything was normal. Nothing was wrong, there was no blood, Rin was fine- I was fine._

The man starts cackling, sending spider-like tendrils of disgust and despair creeping through Len's body.

"Let me send you to hell where you belong!" the man intones gruffly, his laughter deepening and sounding truly evil. Len can't breathe- it's as if there's an iron vise squeezing the very air from his lungs.

_Just moments ago, we were laughing. I was with Rin, I was happy. We were happy. This can't be how it ends._

The crazed murderer presses the gun into Len's forehead, the metal bitingly cold against his hot skin.

 _This can't be how it ends, it_ _can't_ _be. I'll wake up any second, and it'll all be a dream. This is an illusion, it's not reality, it can't be, it can't-!_

Rin's labored breathing is slowed, and he can't feel her moving any more. His heart is pounding harder than a tribal drum.

_I was with Rin and nothing was wrong- this can't be happening-!_

_No, no no no-!_

_NO_ _!_

The man smirks at him cruelly.

_Stop this! Stop!_

_Make this illusion stop!_

The trigger is pulled back.

Len screams, a strangled sound of despair, and then the world goes dark.

* * *

The cloaked man tents his hands under his chin. Somewhere in the room, a clock ticks each second's passing. Otherwise, it is eerily silent.

A small, satisfied smirk settles perfectly on his lips. His eyes are a bright, ruby red- the color of freshly spilled blood- and he looks extremely pleased with himself.

_And so, the cycle begins anew once again._

_However, you won't find an easy way out of my grasp._

_I will watch the hope and light disappear from your eyes for the very last time._

_You, who have taken from me time after time, will feel the depths of true darkness._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This was beta'd by the lovely Piriluk.


	3. Heat Haze

Len bolts upward in bed, his fingers gripping his shirt. His heart pounds hard against his ribs- the only sound he can hear.

That, and the screaming in his head.

 _That damn nightmare again,_ Len curses internally, trying to slow down his rapid fire heartbeat. _When will it stop haunting me?_

He runs his slim fingers through his messy, blonde strands, taking a moment to focus on the here and now, and not the true horror of that recurring dream. The same illusion of reality- he won't dare to call it a vision- where he is brutally murdered with only a second of clarity between being perfectly fine and watching death race towards him in the form of a semi-truck. The worst part is not being able to shake the dread that comes with it, as if it truly happened.

 _It's just nerves._ Throwing off his yellow coverlet, Len places both feet on the ground and stands, stretching out. _If I could just get rid of the nightmare itself, maybe I'd feel better._

Trudging to his dresser and avoiding the various items tossed on his floor (wow, he really should clean up…), he quickly changes, noting the time glaring at him from his bedside dresser. _12:30_. _Oh… great. I slept in again. Rin's going to kill me._ Picturing the blonde female's rage, he picks up the pace and tugs on his clothing at the speed of light, grabbing his phone and, not long afterwards, striding out into the bright sunshine and pleasant warmth of August. He wanders alongside the sidewalk, the path to his and Rin's meeting place long-since memorized after years of walking it.

Fumbling with his phone, Len glances at it and spots a new message from his best friend, sent only minutes earlier.

' _Hey, are you still coming?'_

Pressing keys quickly, he sends an answer. ' _Yeah, no worries. Sorry, I slept in again.'_

' _Dork.'_ He chuckles at the short reply. _Well, at least she doesn't seem mad. Hard to tell, though…_

Len winces as he walks past someone's yard and their small chihuahua starts yapping shrilly at him, thankfully tied to a leash. Not that he thinks it could actually hurt him, but he doesn't necessarily want to find out. Len has never been too fond of dogs, more of a cat person- he practically begs Rin to bring her cat with her every day when they meet up.

Thinking of the black feline, he rushes past the scrawny mutt and practically runs the rest of the way, soon branching off the sidewalk through an alley shortcut to the other side, meeting a busy road. It's a Saturday, so it's more congested than normal; the smell of car exhaust and the piercingly loud sound of someone laying on their horn filling the air. Waiting for his chance, Len hastily crosses the street and makes his way into the park on the opposite side, the bright sun soon blocked out by the dense cover of foliage overhead. A cool breeze washes over him, ruffling his blonde bangs.

A second later, he spots Rin, kneeling on the ground in a light blue sundress, peering down at something. As he nears her, he notes there's a small rip in the shoulder that exposes the pale skin underneath. Um. Whoops. His mind just went weird.

"Yo, Rin!" he says, shaking off the strange thoughts to wave at her, plastering a cheesy grin on his face effortlessly. It's not unusual for him to become immediately perky around the girl; he has a special fondness for her, after all.

Rin looks up at him, her blue eyes shining as they catch a hint of sunlight. "Well, _there_ you are," she returns his greeting coldly, pulling a nasty face toward him that doesn't match with her doll-like features, before getting to her feet.

Len laughs a little nervously. "Um, yeah. Sorry for being late again," he starts, scratching the side of his face with a finger sheepishly.

"Were you up watching hentai again?" Rn asks curiously, earning a startled noise from Len.

"What? W-w-where did you get the idea I _ever_ watch hentai?" Len stutters, cheeks turning pink. Unfortunately, the girl takes whatever chance she can get to tease him.

"You're a _guy,_ Len." Rin shrugs, as if that's the obvious answer.

"Rin, being a guy does _not_ mean that I-" Len starts to defend himself, but a black ball of fur appears from behind Rin and waltzes its way over to him, offering a cute, high 'meow' as it rubs against his leg. Elegant green eyes peer up at him, and Len finds himself losing his train of thought.

Momentarily forgetting to retort, he leans down and picks up the adorable and plump cat from the ground. "Oh, _hello there_ , Leonia," Len murmurs as he holds the cat to his chest, running his fingers over the smooth, thick fur. "Hey, sweet girl, I missed you~."

Rin gazes at her best friend holding her cat with a twisted look of disgust. "Dude. You literally sound like you're in love with her," she states, her eyes narrowed. "Can you please not molest Leonia in my presence? Thanks."

Len shoots his friend a dirty look and reluctantly puts her down. "Hey, you know she loves me," he tells her.

"No wonder you don't have a girlfriend." Rin rolls her eyes at him. "You're too busy falling head over heels for cats." Turning away, she calls for the lightly purring Leonia, who easily returns to her and starts wandering. Len, frowning at her retreating back, catches up to her.

 _If only you knew what the real reason is,_ Len thinks glumly. _The reason why I don't have a girlfriend is 'cause I absolutely suck at confessing. And, y'know, the idea of confessing to_ _you_ _, Rin, is seriously terrifying. I'm not sure if I'd get hit, murdered, or, if hell decided to freeze over, you'd return my feelings._

Before he can dwell on his rather depressing outlook on his feelings, Rin speaks up. "Y'know, I had the weirdest dream," she says, her voice lacking emotion. "You were in it."

Len scans her face, shoving his hands into the pockets of his faded jeans. "Huh? What was it about?" he inquires.

"It was like the whole world was a painting," Rin says, starting to become animated as she recalls the dream. "It was as if we were wandering through several different worlds. It was really amazing- I'll have to try drawing out some of what I saw." Her face falls then. "But…"

"But what?" Len tilts his head.

"All the color just started… fading," she continues. She clasps her hands behind her back and turns to face the sky. "It was like, the further we went along, the colors would drain away and turn everything monochrome- both us, and the world around us. Then the paintings started falling apart, disappearing- and we were erased too."

When she says those final words, a heavy silence drapes over the two; Rin looking solemn, Len feeling mildly intrigued, yet horrified. Swallowing, he reaches over and reassuringly pats her shoulder.

"Hey, it's just a dream. Er, more like a nightmare, huh? Don't worry about it," he says comfortingly. "Just forget about it." Seeing her like this reminds him of this morning, and his own nightmare, which he had thankfully forgotten up to this point. Though a bit relieved he isn't the only one who has disturbing visuals while asleep, he can't help but feel worried about her. Rin is normally the cheerful sort- nightmares happening to her seems pretty unusual.

She gives him a small smile. "Yeah, you're right. Just forget about it," she echoes, nodding. "It's just some stupid dream."

"Right!" he agrees, feeling happier just seeing her smile.

"...Hey, where's Leonia?" Rin then asks. A second ticks by as she turns around, her eyes trailing all over for signs of her beloved cat.

"Leonia?" Len pauses. "Uh- wasn't she just here? Um…" Calling out for the cat, the blondes start walking about trying to see her.

"Oh- there she is!" Rin points back the way they had come, where her cat sits primly, licking herself. Taking long strides to reach her, she picks up the large animal, earning a surprised mewl.

Loving the kitten, she smiles down. "You scared me, baby girl." Her brows knit together as Leonia jostles around in her grip.

"You silly kitty, what are- h-hey!" Clawing Rin, the cat struggles and fights her way from her grasp, leaping to the ground and dashing away faster than you would think a cat of her size could.

"Rin! Are you okay?!" Len says, looking her over. Little specks of blood dots all over the girl's arms from where the feline had attacked.

"I-I'm fine," she says, though her face has gone pale. "I've... never seen her act like that before. Len, we have to catch her!" Not waiting for an answer, the girl takes off after her cat.

"Rin, wait!" Confused, he follows soon after, trying to keep pace with her but falling a bit behind. Something seems wrong with this. Leonia never acts violently, especially towards Rin; the cat is absolutely smitten with her and Len, and normally she's a lovable ball of fluff. It was totally out of character for her.

Something seems horribly off. A small, barely discernable voice in the back of his mind is throwing out warning signs, and it's like there's a strange haze covering his vision. This feels weird- unreal. _What's going on…?_

Chasing after Rin and the cat, he finds them nearing the busy intersection from before. He puts more fuel into his footsteps, reaching out to grip her clothing but narrowly missing. "H-hey, wait a minute-!" he cries.

Ignoring him, Rin runs after her cat with determination. "Leonia!" she calls, "Leonia, stop!"

"Rin!" Too late- he notices that she and the cat are running straight into traffic. His eyes widening and panic setting in, he reaches for Rin again, hoping to catch her before she commits suicide right in front of him. "Watch out!"

"Huh?!"

Rin's surprised outburst takes a second to register, and the next few seconds are a messy blur-

-Leonia, sprinting across the street-

-Rin, stopping in the middle of the road at his words, her head turning in what seems like slow motion to her right-

-someone's brakes squealing-

-and screaming. Oh God, the screaming.

Right then, at the moment of impact, the image became crystal clear before him, every detail etched into his mind's eye. The look of terror that fluttered across Rin's features, the glint of metal racing at high speed, the moment his heart fell from his chest to the ground below.

Slowly, slowly, sound returns to him, and he can only stand there, at the edge of the road, his eyes glued to the scene. Scarily enough, the only thoughts running in his head were reminders of Rin's dream.

Just as she had said, everything was vibrantly colored, clear and defined. The yellow glare of the sun overhead, the darkened blue of Rin's dress, the creamy white of her skin against the gray asphalt.

The most prominent color stood out against it all, though. It painted the gruesome scene in a ghastly shade, ruby red tinting the ground, her clothing, the front of the truck, and her face. Len finds his gaze pinned to her face, which he can still see but at the same time isn't really processing. The colorless full lips, the splatter of crimson on her cheek, and the faded blue of her eyes, staring in his direction- staring _into_ him, through him, to a world he can't comprehend.

...That dreadful, ear-splitting screaming is him, isn't it?

"R-R-Rin! Rin! _Riiin!_ " Her name, tearing from his throat in agonizingly shrill pitch, drowns out all other sound. He falls to his knees, his entire body failing him, going through shock.

_This can't be real. This can't be…!_

_Tell me this is a dream._

_Tell me this is just a nightmare!_

"Unfortunately for you, this is reality."

The voice speaks from behind him, dark and smooth, completely unfazed by the scene before him.

Len slowly turns his head, his tear-filled cerulean eyes focusing on the figure who spoke. A black cloak drapes their form, but their face is revealed to him, showing silver hair and eyes that burn with unquenchable fire, sending chills through his body. Their form shimmers, as if they aren't truly there, a trick of the sun meant to torture him.

"Go ahead- cry. Bemoan your fate all you like. It's immensely pleasing. Tell me- do you enjoy your nightmares? Aren't they simply delightful?"

"S-stop," Len's voice, raspy and broken, spills from his mouth. "Stop it…!"

"Do you not enjoy the sight of blood? Or is it the fact that the blood is hers? Your most cherished person… lying dead before you. Isn't it wonderful? Isn't it heartwrenchingly tragic, watching the life drain from her body?"

"Stop! _Stop!_ " Rin's pale face flashes through Len's mind, and he grips his hair in both hands, tugging relentlessly at it, shaking his head furiously as if to knock away the man's words. "No, no, no-!" It's as if the sky itself is falling into him- on top of him, the weight of the world crashing down overhead. " _No!_ "

An endless chant, replaying over, and over, and _over_ , until it overwhelms his entire mind and all he can see is black.

_No! Rin!_

_No…!_

"No!"

Jolting upward in bed. Len clutches at his blankets, his body covered in cold sweat. He can hear his heartbeat, like a drum, pounding furiously in his ears.

Trying to process the fact that he's not kneeling in the middle of the sidewalk, and is instead in his bedroom at home, he casts his gaze over everything with confusion.

_That was… just a dream?_

_It felt so real… Everything was… so real…_

Running a hand through his sweaty bangs, he takes a deep breath, giving a silent prayer of relief.

_Just a nasty dream. Thank goodness. That was one of my worst, yet._

The cool relief and easing of his tense muscles is a welcome feeling. The thought of losing Rin is painful, echoing in his soul. His subconscious sure chose to hit below the belt last night.

As his eyes fall on the clock beside him, he frowns. _Oh no. 12:30. I'm going to be late to meet Rin again._

When the thought crosses his mind, a chill follows, though he isn't sure why it is. Something about the feeling gives him pause, as he's about to get up and dressed.

_Why does this feel so… eerily familiar…?_

Silent another moment, he lets out a groan and shrugs to himself.

_It's probably nothing. I'm still paranoid over that dream._

_...Right?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: And so, the cycle begins. 
> 
> This was beta'd by the live-saving Piriluk. :3


	4. Cycle of Death

As Len rises and dresses himself, he plays over the dream from the night before, mulling through the uncomfortably realistic scenes.

_This time, the nightmare was different. I don't understand why… Especially since Rin was in it. Why was she the one hit by the truck? It doesn't make sense- she's never been in my dreams before…_

Scratching his head, he lets out a low sigh, tugging a bright yellow shirt over his head that was nearby. He's truly baffled by this strange occurrence. Rin has never before been the object of his nightmares- so why now? What does this mean?

Len hasn't been a real believer of bad omens and the like, but something about this just seems very wrong. _That dream was too real._

He pauses in his doorway, suddenly noticing something. _Is there… something I'm forgetting? No… some_ _one_ _? I can't remember their face, but someone else was there- someone who terrified me. Who…? Why were they there?_

After wracking his brain for an answer- trying to recall the face and words said to him that had instilled such fear inside him- he lets out a sigh of resignation and pulls on a jacket. He steps out of his house and into the bright sunshine.

_Oh well. I shouldn't dwell on it anymore- it was just a stupid dream. Sheesh. I don't know why it's bothering me so much. Is it only because it was Rin who died?_

Deciding once and for all to push the tragic vision from his mind, he instead allows his thoughts wander to the nice day outside. There is a beautifully clear sky waiting to greet him. He stands at the foot of the stairs leading up to his house, basking in the glow for a moment, before heading toward his and Rin's meeting place. The lovely weather serves to cheer him up some, and Len finds himself whistling a nameless tune. While walking along the sun-beaten sidewalk, he nearly jumps out of his skin when something to his right yells at him, breaking the peaceful silence.

It's that stupid chihuahua, baring its teeth and sending ear-piercing barks his direction. Thankfully, it's held back by a piece of rope tied to a spiked collar. Familiar annoyance rises within him, as the owner of the dog starts screaming the thing's name from their porch.

_What does this mutt hate about me, anyway? I don't get it. What did I ever do to you?_

An icy chill runs through his bloodstream. This weird deja-vu feeling… Sure, he's been nearly attacked by the little ball of fury over here before, but this feels off too- like this morning.

Not liking the instant clench of dread in his chest, Len hurries off down the sidewalk and increases his pace the rest of the way to Rin. Even if it's just a feeling and nothing more- he needs to be sure. _I hope Rin is okay._ Even the mere possibility of his dream becoming reality is enough to scare him into hastening his strides.

On arriving at the park, he scans the area, searching for her to discover she's nowhere in sight. _Was I not fast enough? Did Leonia already try to run out into traffic? Is she-?!_

Frantically turning on his heel with the strong intent to go back to the street, he comes face to face with Rin and yelps in shock, stumbling backwards onto his backside.

Rin starts laughing, doubling over with her arms crossed over her chest. "Pffft- you- you should have- _seen_ the face you just made-!" she breathes through her giggles, her blonde bangs falling into her eyes.

His heart pounding painfully in his chest and his fear draining away, Len glares at Rin, cursing under his breath. "Seriously, what the hell, Rin?" he demands.

"Sorry, sorry. You just seemed so oblivious and focused on something, I couldn't help it," she apologizes, sounding very un-apologetic while still laughing.

Embarrassed, Len gets to his feet, brushing off his jeans. While he's doing so, Rin composes herself, wiping a stray tear from her eye, her smile radiant. "So, what's got you so fired up?" she asks.

"What?" Len shrugs off the question. "Nothing."

"Oh, come on, Len. I watched you come running through here like a demon was chasing you, then act like you'd stumbled upon a murder scene. You can't tell me that was nothing," Rin says, her smile fading a bit as worry seeps into her expression.

"Look, I, um… well…" He nervously scratches his head. "About that…"

Rin tilts her head, sensing that he's troubled. "Here, c'mon- let's talk over there," she tells him, taking his hand and leading him to a nearby bench. Even though he's bothered by the similarities between his dream and reality, his cheeks grow warm at the contact. _Now is so not the time to have those kinds of thoughts._

Sitting him down, Rin pauses and then calls out to the open air. "Leonia!" her voice rings lightly, and Len's eyes widen. "Come here, sweetie."

"Y-you brought Leonia?" he inquires stiffly, and she stares at him.

"'Course I did," she answers, sitting beside him the moment the feline comes into view from behind a tree, jumping up into her lap after a small patting gesture. The cat seems to gaze back at the boy with a silent question of its own. He swallows hard.

"Len, I've honestly never seen you look so weirded out by Leonia before," Rin frowns deeply. "Normally you're jumping for joy at the sight of her. What's going on?"

Knowing she'll never drop the topic, and feeling he'd never be able to keep it from her, Len exhales quickly, already resigned to revealing his dream. "Sorry, I mean, um…" Absently, his fingers move to trace across the cat's soft ebony fur, his thumb running gently over her slightly pointed ear. "I just… had a really bad nightmare last night."

"A nightmare?" Rin echoes, a mixture of curiosity and interest showing.

"Yeah. It was um… about you," he explains to her questioning look. Is there a hint of dread in her eyes? "It felt so… real. We were talking just like this, and everything was fine at first. Then Leonia suddenly started freaking out for no reason and ran away. We tried chasing her, and she went out into traffic- you followed after her, and before I could stop you, you had- you'd been… hit. _Killed._ " The word leaves his mouth drier than sandpaper, tasting of poison. He chooses not to let her know about the strangely coincidental similarities between the dream and the way his day has gone. _It's not important, anyway._

It's silent a moment, before Rin softly utters "Oh." Her eyes trail down to the grass beneath their feet, lightly nibbling on her lip.

Uncomfortable, Len goes for a lighter tone. "But, um, it was just a nightmare, you know? Sorry I seemed so panicked earlier, I was really worried it wasn't," he says, letting out a forced chuckle.

"...Right. It was just a dream, you know?" Rin says, perking up a little and offering him a tiny smile. "But thanks, Len. It's nice to know you were so worried about me." Her blue eyes shine.

"N-no problem." Oh, no. His face is turning bright red, he can feel it.

Threading her fingers through Leonia's fur, Rin glances down at her cat. "...I kind of had a nightmare, too," she tells him quietly.

The eerie familiarness of his dream and the current reality sends a wave of ice down his spine. "You did?" he hesitates to ask, fearing it. _It can't possibly be the same as the one she told me about in the dream. It_ _can't_ _._

Rin nods. "Yeah. It was really weird- like we were in a pastel painting. It was kind of fun at first, but then all the colors started fading away- except for red. Everything started turning different shades of red and black. Someone was laughing, but I don't know who it was, or why. Strange, huh?"

Len isn't sure whether to breathe a sigh of relief that the dream is marginally different than before, or if he should be increasingly worried that she had such a disturbing nightmare.

"You and I need to stop watching horror movies," he jokes, deciding not to let his mind run away with the worry gnawing at him.

She laughs. "Pfft, you might be right," she agrees, her smile returning. "Must be all the Corpse Party and Ib I've been playing lately, huh?"

"Exactly." Len nods, joining her laughter and feeling better. "How about we go do karaoke or something later to forget about those nightmares?"

"I'd love to," her smile widens in response.

" _Ow!_ "

He jumps, startled, as Rin hisses loudly and Leonia suddenly rises from her lap, claws protruding from her paws and sinking into the girl's legs. Leaping off with lithe grace, the cat takes fast strides off to who knows where.

"W-wait! Leonia!" Rin rises fast, her face contorted in pain and confusion, and Len is hit with a familiar panic.

_No, no- this is too similar! This is too much like my nightmare…!_

He hesitates too long to make a move, and before he realizes it, Rin has already started barrelling off after the feline. Words get caught in his throat, jumbled and nonsensical, and he forsakes them in favor of chasing after her, the rush of wind in his hair and uncertain dread building in his chest all-too familiar.

_Not again. The similarities are too close- there's no way it can end the same way, right?_

_Right?!_

Too soon, he finds he and Rin both headed for that busy intersection, the sun overhead beating down on them mercilessly just like before. Images flash through his mind of Rin's lifeless form, blood splattered across the asphalt and her skin, and he knows he can't bear to see that again.

Catching sight of Leonia dashing across the street, Rin makes after her, not thinking to look both ways. Len pours on the speed, absolutely refusing to let this end the same way.

Her foot barely crosses the threshold of the curb before his arm loops around her waist and yanks her back, tugging them both off balance and sending them reeling to the unforgiving cement. He's breathing hard, panting with exertion, but he can feel her chest rising and falling under him, and happiness washes over him. _She's alive, she's_ _alive_ _-!_

Behind him, a loud horn honks, and he barely catches sight of a speeding semi-truck rushing past them, the wind from the close encounter whipping his hair. In his heart, he knows that if he'd been one second too late, Rin would've ended up exactly as she had in his nightmare. This time, he wasn't too late- he'd saved her. _Thank goodness._

"L-Len, could you- ugh, _please_ get off-" Rin protests from under him, and he realizes then he's nose to nose with the blonde girl.

"Oh, sorry," Len says immediately, mortified and scrambling to remove himself. After helping Rin get to her feet and dusting himself off, he feels the tension in his shoulders relax a little.

"Um… Thanks."

"Huh?" Len states blankly.

Rin sheepishly rubs her head where she'd knocked it against the ground. "I, um… thanks. For saving me just now. I wasn't really paying attention, and the light was green- if I had gone out there, I probably would've died. Thanks."

"Oh. It's nothing, really, I just- just didn't want to see you end up part of the street," he admits sincerely.

Rin nods, and her cheeks tinge red slightly. "After what you told me about your nightmare, I really should've paid better attention." Her eyes scan the street, and she sighs. "And Leonia's nowhere to be seen, either. That cat... Wonder what got into her?"

Len shrugs. "Cats are a mystery to me, even if I love them. Come on- let's check the other side of the street for her. Maybe she ran off to hide in an alleyway or something."

"You're probably right," she says in agreement. "Honestly, I've never seen her act like that before- it was so strange."

 _I have._ Len bites down on the words threatening at the tip of his tongue. No, it's best to forget about it. After all, the situation was averted, wasn't it? Rin's alive and safe, and there's nothing to worry about from here on.

"Let's just make sure she's safe too," he suggests, and after a moment of waiting, crosses the street beside Rin.

Once across, they split up and start calling for Leonia, weaving between walking pedestrians and earning a few odd looks. Another twenty minutes pass this way, and Len sighs. _Where could that cat have gone to?_

"Miss! Miss, you have to move!"

"What?"

Turning around fast, Len's eyes widen to the size of saucers. From high above, a platform hanging dangerously above their heads swings precariously, and he hears something snap. The rope steadying it breaks apart, and the contents- thin steel pipes- drop to the ground and, to his horror, on top of Rin.

Rin, having frozen in fear, doesn't move fast enough to get out of the way. A scream so high in pitch it could only belong to her rings out, and he staggers forward, his legs suddenly unwilling to move. He can only watch as one of the metal objects pierces through his best friend, pinning her to the ground in a bent back, awkward angle, her blood staining the sidewalk and growing as the pipes clatter down over her.

"R-Rin-!"

The gory, disgusting scene in front of him makes his stomach roil, nausea rising in his throat. He covers his mouth with his hands, tears splashing down his cheeks.

_What? No…!_

_This isn't what was supposed to happen. I saved her from the accident-!_

_Why?! This isn't real! Is this just another nightmare?! Please, let this just be an illusion like before._

_This feels too real, too painful!_

_Rin!_

A crowd gathers, gasps all around and people even snapping pictures. Disgusting. Len can't bear this- Rin's limp body, held up by the thing that killed her, her mouth open silently and her eyes focused on the clouds above. A small trail of blood runs down her arm, dripping off the tips of her fingers.

He can't feel his heart beating- it's as if it went silent the moment hers did.

"This reality- isn't it beautiful?"

Len whirls from the messy accident, facing the man behind him. The red-eyed male, who looks no older than himself, with a small smile playing at his lips. _It's the guy from my dream...!_

Gesturing to Rin's body, the stranger continues. "The perfect shine of the sun overhead, casting the horror in a brilliant glow- is it not truly breathtaking?"

"W-what-?" Len can't believe what he's hearing. Is this guy taking some kind of twisted pleasure out of this?

The man tilts his head, his body wavering much like a projection. "Do you not appreciate the wonder of death?" he queries, sighing. "A true shame. Nonetheless, over time, you'll most likely become used to it. Or insane - whichever you choose."

"Shut up…! I don't know who you are, but shut up! You sick bastard!" Len forces out angrily, his voice ripping from his throat.

The earned response is a low, humorless chuckle. "Sick I may be, but I'm only here to impress upon you just how real this is. There's no point in running or hiding- you've already entered the cycle of death."

"The- the _what?_ " He can't breathe, his chest constricting painfully tight.

The man suddenly laughs aloud. "You idiot!" he mocks. "I love that you, even now, refuse to acknowledge the truth. Even after you've gone through this before so many times, it never fails to amaze me when we start over again and you've forgotten."

Regaining composure, the silveret grins at Len's bewilderment. "Never mind that, however. You'll soon see. Watching the person you cherish die again and again, watching the light drain from their eyes, and the life pour out of them to dye everything crimson- I will show you, over and over and _over,_ the pain of losing her, the fear of it, the horror and the beauty of everlasting death."

"Stop! You- you psycho-!" The words of this creepy, confusing person swirl around in Len's head, a knot of dread filing his chest, and he can't take it. Roaring with anger, he rushes toward the stranger- though to do what, he isn't sure. The silveret's laughter is the only thing he can hear, his sight tinting a red haze-

The moment he came into contact with the boy, everything went black.


	5. No More

When Len opens his eyes, fear hit him with full force- along with the mental image of Rin dying, still vivid in his mind. Unlike the last time he had said nightmare, he can also remember the dark intentions in the crimson irises of that strange man.

Without any hesitation, he rose from his bed to rush about his room and repeat the same actions once more. His mind whirls endlessly in thought.

 _Everything's the same. The nightmare, this reality- it's all the exact_ _same_ _._ Down to the time he woke up this morning- 12:30- to the yellow shirt he threw on, to the demonic chihuahua screeching at him. Detail after detail matches up- and it's _impossible._

Len's positive now- it wasn't just any nightmare. No, it has to be something else entirely, a vision. How can he relive the same day, over and over again? Not only did he have the nightmare of Rin being impaled, he also had seen her crushed by the grill of a semi-truck. They were two far-too-similar dreams.

 _Something is seriously wrong. I don't know how to explain it, but something's gone screwy, and it's messing with my mind._ Unfortunately, Len's starting to think he's going insane. _How else could I have seen Rin die twice like that? And_ _today_ _, specifically. She can't die two different ways in one day._

Even though he hopes it was all just some horrible illusion his subconscious conjured up for him, Len can't be sure. However, he won't make the same mistake again. He'll prevent Rin's death no matter what. He _has_ to. He might truly go crazy if he has to see her die like that again. _If I see that silver-haired whackjob there, I'll throttle him. He must have been on some obscure drugs or something, the way he was going on about her. I don't think it's possible for me to imagine a guy as creepy and disturbing as him._

If he'd been in a better mood, and less in a panic, he would have noted that he most likely broke his speed record for reaching the park. This time, though, he peers around and catches sight of Rin standing near a bench, brushing down the light fabric of her dress.

When she meets his gaze, the frustrated smile on her face fades a bit. "Uh, hey, Len-" she says, a little confused by his serious expression. "Are you okay?"

"Come on. I don't want to hang out here today- let's go for a walk or something instead," Len tells her, his fingers wrapping around her wrist to tug her along.

Her confusion grows. "What? But Len, I brought Leonia. I can't just leave her-"

"We won't go far, Rin, but I want to talk to you for awhile," he insists, stubborn. Maybe, just maybe, if he gets her away from the park- from that godforsaken intersection and the possibilities of death that coincide there- he'll prove that all of his worrying is for no reason.

"What? W-wait a-" she tries to protest, but he has none of it, dragging her off at a hasty pace. He's not exactly sure where he's taking her, but he feels anywhere is safer than here.

His mind goes on autopilot a moment, and before he knows it, he's a small way into the park and climbing the wooden, creaky stairs of a tower-like, railed structure that has been around almost forever. It's a strange place that's been all but forgotten, and he and Rin often climb up to the top for no reason other than to people-watch, and camp out to witness the sunset. It's not exactly the sturdiest place, but it gives him a strange sense of security.

Once they're up there, Rin yanks her hand from his. "Len, what's gotten into you?" she finally demands, her blue eyes full of concern for him. A gentle wind blows over them, sending tendrils of gold into her face that he has the sudden, unexplainable urge to brush away.

"Look, I just- I have this really, really bad feeling," he starts, taking a step back and running a hand through his messy bangs. "I can't really explain it well, but I had this nightmare last night where you were killed after Leonia ran away and I tried to save you, but even though I did you still died-"

" _Whoa,_ there." She holds up her hands, trying to take in his jumbled words. "Hold on a second, Len, I can't understand you."

Leaning back against the rail, she frowns at him, her dress fluttering around her legs. "So, you're- I think I got this right, you're saying you're all weird and panicked right now 'cause of a- a _nightmare_ you had?"

The way she says it makes him doubt everything he'd been worried about to this point, but he nods anyway. "Yeah. Dumb, isn't it?" He lets out an empty laugh. Great. Even Rin probably thinks he's losing his mind.

"Len, it was- you know, just a dream. Don't you think you're overreacting a little?" she insists, tilting her head.

Damn. Though he knows she's probably right, it still stings a bit. "Well… maybe a little. Sorry, it kind of got to me," he admits. He shakes his head and rubs his hand over his face, sighing deeply.

_I can be calm now. I've gotten her away from the 'disaster area', so it's okay._

Rin gazes at him. "Nah, it's okay. I'm glad you worry so much about me, though," she says cheerfully. "I'd be kind of concerned if you'd brushed it off easily, you know?'

His cheeks flush at that. "Well, um-"

_C-creeeaaaaaaak-_

_-crack._

"H- _Aaaaahhhhhh!_ "

It happens so fast, he isn't sure what to make of it.

One second, he's trying to choke out a flustered response, and the next a loud breaking sound shocks them both. Rin's expression goes pale so fast, it appears as if someone has drained the blood from her body.

Without warning, the entire rail gives way, snapping apart. She can't catch her balance fast enough, and she flails, screaming, her support gone.

"Rin!" He lunges forward to catch her, but he's unable to reach her in time, his hand outstretched and barely missing her own.

"L-Leeeeeeeeeeeen!" Rin shrieks in terror, falling backwards and, to Len's absolute horror, off the top of the tower, disappearing from view.

He runs to the edge, just in time to watch her body make sickening contact with the ground below, her arms and legs bent and unnatural, freakish angles amidst the remains of the rail.

_What?!_

_What the hell?!_

Didn't he prevent this?! Didn't he make sure that she'd be safe?

_How can this have happened again?!_

"Tsk. You've failed her again? Pathetic. Honestly, I'm really beginning to enjoy this- watching you squirm with hatred for yourself," that silver-haired psycho's voice says from behind, his frame just visible in his peripheral.

Len whips to face him, his eyes steely with anger. "Who the hell _are_ you?! Why do you keep showing up?" This mysterious guy- every time Rin has died, he's been there.

"Who am _I_?"

The silveret's face darkens, and it's as if his red eyes grow more vibrant, almost- glowing?

Suddenly he's standing in front of Len, his face mere inches from him. The blonde tries to take a step back, to get away, but barely any space lies between him and the same drop where Rin met her fate.

"To you, I am everything," the male says, his voice chilling to the blond. There's almost no emotion detected, yet he can almost feel some kind of malice radiating from the stranger.

"I am the reason for your existence, the cause of your pain and sorrow. I am the darkness that feeds off every tear you shed, that relishes the sight of you beaten and bloody. I am the fear curling in your chest, the pain you endure; I am the black evil in your heart. I endlessly continue this dark cycle of despair. I am nothing, yet for you, I mean everything."

Before Len can think through everything that has been said, a small, psychotic smile twists the stranger's face.

"I am your nightmare."

A harsh shove, and Len's voice tears its way from his throat as he is knocked off his feet, his arms waving frantically to grip anything, but finding purchase with nothing. Sent reeling backwards, he free falls off the tower.

His screaming and the silveret's laughter are the only things he hears when the darkness swallows him whole.

.X.

After that, time continued to repeat itself.

Len's nightmares also continued- much to his horror. No matter what he tried, there was no way to rid himself of them- or that day.

The same day that, over and over again, tore his best friend away from him.

Each time he woke, the day progressed in a similar fashion- he would run to find Rin, to save her. Yet, if he saved her from one fate, another took its place just as easily to end her life. The deaths were each gruesome and heart-rending, from being mugged on the street, to being kidnapped, shot, beaten. Somehow death found her each time, despite Len's best efforts to keep her safe. Once he tried staying in his house the entire day, but when he received the dreaded call from her mother that she'd been hit, it proved that whether he was there or not, Rin was doomed.

It was like unleashed torture, watching her die again and again, helpless and afraid. The feeling of not being able to do anything, of being completely useless when it came to making sure Rin stayed alive, drove Len insane. The mental images kept adding up, her deaths replaying like bad movies in his mind. They haunted him, his nightmares growing worse and worse, the relief of waking short-lived with each realization that it was real. The differences between reality and illusion, the fine line between the truth and deceit, blurred until he couldn't tell if he was going crazy anymore.

And always, _always,_ without fail, the silveret would be there the moment Rin died. Laughing, mocking, _enjoying_ it. He never flinched at the sight of blood, never seemed anything less than entertained while Len's heart was ripped in half. A demon wearing human skin, surely, there to shove his failure in his face repeatedly without mercy. A shimmering mass of hatred who loved each moment of the blonde's inability to stop his most precious person from dying.

Len learned to hate seeing 12:30 on his bedside clock, to hate the sunshine coming through his windows, signs that nothing had changed and that it never would. Most of all, though, nothing matched his hatred for the boy in black, who desired nothing more than his own suffering.

"Len? You okay?"

He looks over at Rin, sitting on the bench beside him. He must've drifted off into his thoughts. "Huh? Me?" he asks, his voice void of emotion.

The girl nods, tilting her head and letting her blonde strands fall into her face, almost hiding her cerulean blue eyes from his. "Yeah. You seem really weird today, like something's bothering you. And, I hate to say it, Len, but you look terrible. You've got huge bags under your eyes- have you not been sleeping well?"

Sleeping? He can't remember the last time he actually slept. Every time Rin dies, he blacks out and returns to the beginning of the day, waking up from 'the nightmare' that isn't really a nightmare anymore- more so a living catastrophe.

"Sorry," he says simply.

Rin frowns deeply at him, readjusting Leonia on her lap. The cat glances at Len, as if it's been witness to the same things he has. Maybe she _has_.

"Ah- ow!" she curses under her breath as her pet jumps up, clawing, and runs away from them. "Leonia! Come back here! Come on, Len, we have to go get her!"

Rising mechanically, as he knows exactly where this is leading and how it ends, Len runs after his best friend.

_Just like before, just like with every other time- she's going to die._

_I… I can't watch her die again. I can't._

There, the backed up intersection, where Rin races to catch up to her flighty cat. Len halfheartedly keeps pace; but even though he feels hopeless, he still wants to try to save her.

He's so sick of not being able to stop it.

His heart hurts, throbbing painfully in his chest with the familiar dread he's felt so many times before.

_No more… I can't do this anymore._

Maybe he's finally lost all sanity, but suddenly he realizes he'd much rather die himself than see Rin go through death one more time.

_If, one time, I could successfully change fate so that she would be the one safe, I would take it without any hesitation._

"Leonia!" Her voice brings him back to the present, the here and now, and he focuses. Without really giving it any more thought, his decision is already made for him.

Rin has taken a single step onto the sidewalk when Len grips her arm, pulling from a well of strength and stamina he didn't know he had. Jerking her backward and earning a confused "Hey- Len?!", he throws himself out into the street and into the path of the oncoming semi-truck.

Just as the first nightmare had felt when he had witnessed Rin dying the first time, everything becomes crystal clear, every detail defined.

The shining glint of the metal grill of the huge vehicle, racing toward him too fast to possibly slow down in time.

Rin, yelling his name off to the side and reaching for him, far too late, her expression one he's all-too familiar with, having worn it countless times; terror, shock, horror, _despair_.

The silver-haired heat haze, laughing at him.

A bone-crushing moment of impact is all it takes, the strongest bout of pain he'd ever felt racing through him only a second before blissful white is all that remains.

_No more. Let it finally be over._

_Let her live._

* * *

 

"And so he chose death in order to end their suffering."

Raising an ornately decorated teacup to his lips, the silveret takes a small sip of the steaming liquid. His servant waits nearby, a tray in her hands holding a teapot and a small, crystalline glass vial.

"Would it be considered honorable in some way, to have faced death so bravely? ...Or reckless?" he continues, musing to himself. "If he had been wrong in his blind grasping for solutions, he would have scarred himself further. How unfortunate he discovered the answer to the end of that small cycle. At least now they've had a taste of the eternity of despair awaiting them.

"In a way, I'm almost glad. It was becoming a bit boring, rewatching the same deaths and day repeat itself. That really isn't to my taste."

When the girl attempts to refill his cup, he raises a hand to halt her, shaking his head. Glancing at his reflection in the amber surface, his bloodred eyes narrow.

"Take that," he gestures to the vial on the tray, "and prepare yourself. I need you to set off the key elements of the next life for me."

Without replying, the servant nods her head and departs quickly, disappearing out the door with the grace of a shadow. Still staring into the eyes of his image, he chuckles softly.

"I have never been fond of tea."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: And the Kagerou Daze arc comes to a close.
> 
> As of 03-29-16, this has been beta'd by Piriluk.


	6. A Drop Of Desire

_The moment she laid eyes on him, she knew._

_Handsome and elegant, mysterious and enchanting, his eyes able to hold hers without flinching. Len; full of passion and unable to show it to her. He is beautiful, he is kind and strong and untouchable-_

_-but, is he able to handle a hint of forbidden desire?_

* * *

Running fingers through extremely tousled gold hair, Len sighs down at the paperwork lying across his study. His mind would normally run through the forms with ease- since taking his father's place as Duke, he also took the reins of his noble heritage without second thoughts- but today, something else tugged on his mind and made it impossible to focus on his work.

A girl… a distant cousin, the letter said. Lady Rin, daughter of one of his father's brothers, from a land in the north. Her parents had apparently taken ill not long after her seventeenth birthday, and no others wished to take her in, though he hadn't been informed why. She was unmarried and had no suitors, surprisingly enough.

Having lived alone- save for servants and such he kept- in his mansion for the last few years, Len found he didn't necessarily oppose bringing her to stay. The harm in letting a distant family member live with him seemed small at the time.

 _It would also seem a bit disrespectful to decline._ Having never met the girl in person before, he has no idea what she could be like.

Today, she's due to arrive at his mansion. It's been bothering him since he woke this morning.

 _I'm only nineteen, and accepting her may not be in my best interest._ He's continually been badgered by his peers about finding a wife, and having a young girl residing in his home may be questioned.

Sighing once again, Len reaches for the light blue teacup to his left, taking a sip of the now-cold and sugary drink. _Either way, I need to focus. This paperwork won't be finished on its own._

"Your Grace," a slender woman appears in the doorway of his study, dressed in traditional maid garb with short brown hair pulled back in a bonnet. Meiko, he recalls her name easily. The loyal woman who served closely to his father, and has since stayed to tend to Len himself. A very motherly sort with a feisty temper, along with far too much familiarity shared with her employer than should be.

"Ah, Meiko.," Len looks over at her with an eyebrow raised. "What is it?"

"Lady Rin has arrived, and is waiting in the foyer. Her carriage has already departed," Meiko tells him, seeming a bit displeased. "I brought her things to her room, but she seemed heartset on exploring the downstairs even when I offered to take her to you."

His chest constricts slightly with unease. "Alright, thank you. I'll see to her now."

The brunette bows and departs quickly, her footsteps fading down the hall. After glancing down at his paper with a bit of regret, he stands and makes his way out of the room.

When he first arrives in the foyer, he doesn't even see her. At first glance, it appears she's not even there, and he wonders a moment if she may've decided to go wandering on her own. However, as he strides down the winding white steps, she appears as if almost out of the woodwork- and he instantly wonders how in the world he managed to scan over her presence.

His first thought is-

-she's _breathtaking._

Shiny, perfectly straight blonde hair that brushes along her shoulders and is swept into a bright white bow. Creamy white, beautiful skin, decorated well in a curve-hugging, yellow dress with bell sleeves and a laced bodice. Slim, dainty fingers that he feels, if they were within his own, would be far too easy to break.

Her eyes encapture him, beautiful blue that rivals that of the glowing midnight sky, deep and vibrant with life, light reflecting in them with the appearance of a match's flame. Her nose is petite, her mouth shell-shaped and glossy pink, her features doll-like and sweet.

Upon seeing his approach, she curtseys politely his direction. "Ah, Your Grace," she murmurs, her voice light but clear. "So… we finally meet."

Was she looking forward to meeting him? Len shakes himself out of the trance she seemed to put him into, berating himself internally. "Hello, Lady Rin," he bows his head. "It's a pleasure to meet you."

She smiles at him, and he feels himself melt under the genuine warmth she exudes.

"The pleasure is mine," she responds, lightly brushing down the front of her elegant dress. "I did not know I had family in this region. I'm very happy to meet you, sir."

Why had no one else thought to take her in? Surely she had prospects for marriage back home? As of yet, he hasn't an inkling why she would be cast off so after her parents deaths. Perhaps his family is made of fools.

"I cannot help but notice your home is very spacious and beautiful, but… it seems a tad empty," Rin continues, her eyes flickering about the room with unbridled curiosity, having noticed the lack of nearby servants.

"Oh, that. My father kept a small group of staff. They all are very loyal, however," he tells her. "Does it bother you?"

"No, not at all," she brushes a lock of hair from her eyes gently. It seems her gaze is frozen to his now, and Len feels his chest stir strangely.

Clearing his throat, he gestures up the stairs. "Well, my lady, would you like to take a look about the mansion?"

"Actually, if you would not mind, I'd like to rest," she says, offering an apologetic smile.

He nods his head quickly, understanding. "Of course. Take as much time as you like; don't push yourself unnecessarily,"

"Thank you. I would like it if you would lead me to my room, however." Rin tilts her head, her mouth curving into a softer smile.

"I would love to," he says without hesitance, though his thoughts take a strange turn. It should be the maid's work to do that, but he would much rather do it himself.

Ignoring his rambling mind, he offers an arm to Rin. "My lady?"

She takes it, her hand firmly yet tenderly wrapping around him.

Leading her upstairs and stealing glances over at her countenance, he finds it hard to tear his gaze from her. She truly is nothing like he expected- in fact, the image he had conjured before, when he had let his mind wander, is long gone. It is nothing compared to what she truly looks like.

Reaching the room he has set for her, he stops at her door and allows her to free her grasp from his arm. "Thank you," she tells him, curtseying once more, before opening the door. "I appreciate it, Sir."

"You don't have to be so formal," he says with a shake of his head, giving her a smile. "Please, call me Len. We are family, after all- it will feel wrong having you refer to me any other way."

Rin looks relatively surprised by his casual talk, but her own smile brightens even more. "Thank you… Len. In return, please call me Rin."

"My pleasure," he follows, and for a moment silence falls as their eyes connect. A spark lights, unseen between them.

"...I really must be resting," she tells him after another tense minute, her gaze falling from his and breaking the link.

"Yes, yes… Good night, Rin," he says, the words falling unbidden from his lips. In all honestly, he wishes he could speak with her longer. It's a strange feeling- wanting to know everything about this girl.

She nods, and closes the door between the two of them with a soft click. The instant quiet of the hall welcomes him, but he wishes for the silence he had shared with her, staring for far too long at the place she had once stood.

...Just what has overcome him?

.X.

Without Len realizing, over a month had flown by him, and Rin's stay with him was truly unimaginable. Before, he had thought that having a girl staying in his abode would be a burden on his work, but he found that he much preferred her company over that of his documents.

After their initial exchange, Len found that Rin loved wandering about the premises, admiring the artwork displayed or generally exploring. When he worked, he often heard her footsteps pass by his study. He could easily tell it was her- her walk was light, barely audible like that of a ghost. Occasionally she'd stop in and talk with him, revealing tidbits of her life. It turns out she was very sheltered by her parents, her father treasuring her quite a lot. Once he had found the courage to ask, Len was told she rarely saw a suitor come for her. Despite her best interests or desires, she never was courted.

He looked forward to their talks more and more as the days went along, his affection for her growing. At first he questioned himself. _Why am I so enamored by her…?_ She shouldn't have mattered to him- but something struck him about her. It was not only her angelic looks, but she herself was beautiful- cheerful, never sparing a smile when she saw him, consistently sweet and gentle even with the servants. He wouldn't have been surprised if someone told him she were a blessing sent from heaven itself. It was like she brought light into a darkness he hadn't realized had settled around him, bringing the sunshine with her wherever she went. Their talks together became his favorite pastime. He was never tired of her voice, nor of the things she spoke of- the way she painted her life, in bright hues and shades of creativity, it captured him and brought him even further into the web.

Despite their growing bond, nothing stopped others from nearing as well. Len disliked having to see other men gazing at her as they went through town. A fierce protectiveness came from unspoken territory to drive away those who came around, and though he wasn't sure why he felt so strongly about keeping her to himself, Rin didn't seem to mind at all- or maybe she didn't notice. Somehow, she seemed oblivious to how he felt, and it bothered him immensely.

Somewhere along the way, he felt his affections turn to something a bit more than familial bond. It was confusing, but certain- his emotions ran deeper than he willed himself to admit. It wasn't simply admiration- it had become something else. Something powerful that built within his chest and sprouted wings whenever she came close. His mind knew he hadn't a chance in hell, but his heart said otherwise- whichever one he chose to believe changed every day. Was it love? Was it something he'd never seen before? His questions begged for answers yet received none. He'd never felt such a feeling toward a woman like this, and it was a bit unnerving that it was _her._ Exquisite, extraordinary Rin.

Upon invitation, Len was asked to go to the birthday ball of the young and eternally enthusiastic Miku, daughter to a well-known duke. Unlike Rin, whose gentleness showed in her every action, Miku was the opposite of soft or innocent. Her teal eyes flickered from man to man as if sizing them up, picking the one she wished to capture next. Her interests consisted of taking control of any man who gave her a second glance, using her beauty to her advantage. Len never found anything particularly interesting about her (finding nothing of substance within her, save for the greed she rarely hid), and it seemed to trouble her- hence why, whenever she had the chance, she would find a way to gather his attention.

Sipping a tulip-shaped glass of citrus-scented wine to the side, his eyes follow Rin about the filled dance hall, never losing her to the crowd and watching her flit from partner to partner, stepping elegantly to the rhythm of the music flowing throughout the room. He fights the urge to ask her to dance, but it only grows stronger until he finally decides to stop struggling against it. Before he has the chance to approach, however, familiar blue-green twintails enter his view.

"Duke Len," Miku says smoothly, a coquettish, honey-laden smile crossing her face as she drinks him in. He'd chosen one of his better suits, though he wonders if it was to please his peers, or Rin herself. Right at this moment, however, he mildly regrets that choice. "What a pleasure to see you."

"Lady Miku." He bows his head, feeling irritation flare slightly. Of course she chose to come bother him- how could he have expected anything different? Rin has somehow disappeared from sight- who knows where. Ah, wait… there she is, dancing with a brunet off to the side, laughing at something he must have said.

Miku's expression becomes displeased, drawing his attention back to her. "Hm? What has captured your mind so strongly…?" She follows the trail his eyes had left, and her own narrow in response.

"Worried about your dear cousin?" She turns back to him, raising a brow.

Damn- her tone is emotionless, trained, which means she's about to start prying into his business. Miku has never been one for subtlety.

"Yes," he answers quickly, lifting his cup to his lips once again and tasting the sweetness, in an effort to remove the sudden dry ashiness of his mouth.

"I've never met her before- but, then again, I'm surprised she's shown her face here," Miku admits, leaning toward him slightly as if telling a forbidden secret. "Hasn't she been living with you? Tell me, are the rumors true?"

Len stares at her. Rumors? What rumors? He voices his curiosity out loud. "What do you mean?"

Her eyes glitter, and he feels she's doing her best to reel him to her- but in all honesty, he just wants to understand what he hasn't yet been aware of.

"Haven't you heard them?" Miku starts, pleased that he's focused solely on her now. "The tales- of why her family perished, of why she is still unmarried. Surely you would have caught wind of them by now…?"

Nothing like this has ever come his way. Forced to calm himself and not press her roughly for the heart of the matter, he shakes his head. "No- please, enlighten me."

"It is said she's cursed," Miku continues, her voice hushed. "She's been called a femme fatale- a walking catastrophe that will bring only tragedy to whoever comes close. Each man who has tried to become her suitor? Disappeared without a trace. She's bad luck." She nods her head to herself. "And you've most likely brought a curse to your home."

When he doesn't respond, she frowns. "Haven't you thought about it? About how strange it is that she lost her entire family in a night? That no one else wanted her in their houses?"

His grip on the glass in his hand tightens. "...You should refrain from spreading such gossip," he says stonily, his eyes flashing warningly.

"What?" Miku is taken aback.

"You should keep those lies to yourself." His expression is hard, his stance straighter. During her little speech he had become increasingly agitated. Is this what they all thought of Rin? Dear, sweet Rin who has done nothing but show him the exact opposite of such insulting words. She doesn't deserve this kind of treatment- and he'll be damned if he'll allow a loudmouthed little girl to soil her name any further. "Don't say a word of that filth to her."

"Excuse me?" Miku becomes offended, taking a step back. "You are the one that wanted to know what I meant. I only told you exactly what you wanted to hear."

"You told me what you believe," he replies, setting his glass down. "I strongly disagree. Now, if you will excuse me." Without hesitation he strides away from Miku, into the just ending dance where Rin curtseys to her partner, sharing a smile he wishes were aimed his direction.

She turns around and sees him, and the genuine smile she gives him brings him joy, like a flower's petals blooming. "Ah, Len," she says, happy, her cheeks tinted a rose red from her own excitement.

He returns her smile, extending a hand. "Hello, Rin. It would be a divine pleasure if you would accept this dance," he says, gazing at her intently.

"Of course," she accepts, taking his hand easily and entwining their fingers as he brought her close, their eyes meeting. She glances away a second later.

The next song is slow, allowing Len to gracefully sweep Rin across the dance floor. He marvels over how princess-like she appears, in her emerald green dress. He forces himself to focus on the dance and not on the proximity between them.

"Are you having fun here?" he finds himself asking, wanting to talk with her again.

"Fun? Ah, yes, you could say that…" Her voice, small in the loud room, manages to reach his ears. "I'm a bit unused to being part of such affairs… It's a little overwhelming, but I do enjoy it."

"I'm glad," he answers, adjusting his hand at her waist and guiding her.

"I am also glad- I was hoping I would have at least one dance with you," she confesses, looking up at him and smiling again. "It seems my wish came true."

His face grows hot with embarrassment. "I'm honored, Rin." Could she be aware of what kind of effect her words have on him? Waiting to dance with him- what is it she's implying? Perhaps he's putting far too much thought into her motives.

"You've become a very good friend to me," she continues, as if hearing his thoughts. "You've made me feel at home here, especially after my family's passing. I feel eternally grateful to you." Her blue eyes darken just a bit.

"It's been my pleasure having you stay with me," he tells her, his mouth quirking in a comforting, small smile.

Something taps his shoulder, and he pauses in his dance to turn his head. Familiar teal eyes grace his- but, they're considerably different, colder and with more of an edge to them. Mikuo Hatsune, Miku's older brother, stands regally behind Len with his own cocky smirk plastered over his face. The young man is well-known for being a bit of a flirt, much like his sister- and his sights are glued to Rin.

"Excuse me, sir," Mikuo's smooth voice begins questioningly, courteous, while his eyes flicker over her, clearly not caring for Len's presence in the first place. "May I have the next dance?"

Somewhere along the way of his talk with Rin, the dance must have ended. Len is about to reject him, to ask her himself, but the girl speaks up on her own. "Oh, yes, of course," she says, and the blonde is horrified to watch her entire expression brighten, as if she's aglow.

He is forced to remove his hands from her, and as Rin allows Mikuo to bring her close, she flashes Len a smile over her shoulder, led away without a second of hesitance.

For a moment, Len processes what just happened. He had her in his arms, they were dancing and talking and it was perfect- and in the blink of an eye, another man stole her away. And she seemed so _happy,_ as if she had lied to him, had been waiting for someone else but had simply tolerated his presence. Could she have been waiting for Mikuo? Surely she didn't find him attractive, worthy- the person meant for her? Could her heart be stolen so easily…?

He doesn't realize he's clenching his fists, digging his fingernails into the meat of his palms, until his hot blood drips down his fingertips and he forces himself to stop, moving off the dance floor and avoiding the sights of the dancers and attendees.

Rin, being wife to Mikuo. That worthless excuse for a noble son who brings anything that moves into his bed. He is notorious for soiling many flowers; she will be no different. That teal bastard has no excuse for wanting her, nor does he have a right to touch her, and-

Len finds himself outside, the cool night air soothing on his hot skin. He stops walking, stilled in the shadows, and takes a deep breath. His eyes behold his lightly bleeding hands, the liquid sticky and growing cold, dyed black by the dark.

Why? Why has he allowed these thoughts to take over? Why can't he _rid_ himself of them? This pure jealousy, this anger that bubbles up and threatens to show itself when Rin is brought into the eyes of another man when one of them so much as _looks_ at her.

Len has gone insane. Or maybe it's not quite insanity yet? Is this love or lust that has pushed him into this state of mind, that has destroyed any semblance of reasoning?

He can't control it. He wants Rin; he wants her to be his and his _alone._

There is no room for other choices. There never was.

.X.

It's lightly raining, the midnight sky turned darker by heavy stormclouds.

Tugging his hood closer around his face, Len creeps through darkness, making his way into the shadier part of the town where most deals go awry and things normally forbidden are sold without second thought. Normally he wouldn't dare step foot in such a place- but something tugged at him internally, made him leave the party early to scour the area.

(It couldn't possibly have been the fact that Mikuo became Rin's permanent dance partner.)

Dilapidated houses and buildings stand on either side of him as he briskly crosses the beaten street. He's barely seen another figure, but he's more than grateful for it. What would become of him, if he were seen traipsing through such a disgraceful place?

He isn't even sure what he's looking for- if anything at all. His feet carry him to unknown territory, and he doesn't have anything specific in mind.

"Why hello."

He pauses before a small, ugly wooden stand decorated in several glass bottles in differing shapes, colors and sizes. He turns to face the person who had spoken to him, making sure to pull his hood in the way of his face as not to be identified.

A young girl no older than eleven or twelve leans over the top of the stand, dressed in a ragged, red dress, her brown eyes drinking him in intently. Her face shows maturity beyond her years, putting off her innocent appearance.

"What brings someone like you out here?" she inquires in a lilting, quiet voice, her hands clasped under her chin.

Someone like him? "What do you mean?" he forces out, his teeth gritting together with uncertainty.

"You can't fool me. Your cloak is far richer than what you would see here- you are no normal townsperson. It's not safe wandering here at night," she continues, her words emotionless, her eyes never moving from him. "Of course, there must be a reason why you've come so far out of the comfort of your home."

He doesn't know what to answer, his apprehension rendering him momentarily silent. Fortunately, she leaves no room for a reply. "Surely you must be searching for something you wouldn't ever find somewhere else." The girl taps her fingers to her chin in an almost playful manner, a small smirk cresting on her thin lips. He begins to feel rather uncomfortable.

"What is it that you want from me?" Len demands, tired of the game this child seems to be playing at.

"That isn't the question you should be asking. The real question is; what is it that _you_ desire?" she slides forward a bit, and he instinctively moves back to keep his face hidden. "Tell me."

He pauses. "You can't help me."

"I can't? Why not? Do you desire immense wealth? The death of an enemy? Love?" When he stiffens at the end, she laughs. "Ah… so it's that kind of request. Forbidden love? Unrequited?"

"What do you…?" he starts, but she pays no heed, already searching through her glasses for a specific one. A moment later, she presses a small, unlabelled clear bottle down in front of her- the liquid within shimmering under the faint streetlight.

Her grin gleams in the dark. "This is exactly what you need."

Curious, but increasingly suspicious of her, he hesitates. "What is it?"

"No matter what your situation is, I have the solution. This is everything you desire, yet nothing you'd be able to bring about yourself," she answers cryptically, her black hair swaying over her face.

"Tell me, what does it- well, what does it _do_?" Len presses, eyeing the bottle. He hates to admit that the idea of such a thing- something that would bring Rin's affections to him, that would let him have her to himself- is far too tempting.

"It will act as a type of love potion," the ragged child tells him. "Simply pour a few drops into the your love's tea, and it'll take effect."

A love potion? He has never believed in the use of such a ridiculous creation, but…

Another moment of internal battling, and his heart wins out. Dropping several hefty coins to the table, he takes the fragile bottle into his hand, turning away. "Thank you."

This is his chance. If this potion works, then he won't have to worry about Mikuo or any other man again. Rin will be _his_ to claim, to love, to keep to himself.

...Perhaps he truly has gone mad.

.X.

Watching the blonde's retreating back, the girl's cocky smile vanishes. Her eyes follow him, darkening, and she sighs to herself.

_I've done what I must._

It's never sat well with her- doing these things for _him._ It feels wrong and cruel, but…

...In the end, it's supposed to be for the best- isn't it? Breaking the cycle, crushing the 'right' fate to make room for the one they choose.

Even so, no matter how right it feels… knowing she just sent that boy, the 'duke' but also the Soulmate, away with a bottle of Cantarella and being fully aware of what it truly does…

... _I'm sorry._

Sighing, she packs away the stands. She won't be here in the morning. Her task is complete, and she is no longer needed.

Now, Len has to finish his end of this story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: As of 04-13-16, this has been beta'd by the lovely Piriluk. :3
> 
> So, dark things are on the horizon. Of course. The next chapter is longer than this. (By a lot.) So hold onto your hats, ladies and gents, it's gonna be a bumpy, angsty ride.
> 
> Thanks for reading! Means a lot, you know?
> 
> Read on~!
> 
> ~Disclaimer~ I own only the idea of rose-scented potions and dark obsession.


	7. Cantarella

"Tea?"

Rin leans across the table slowly, tilting her head as she gazes upon Len with curiosity. Her fingertips swirl around the top of her water glass absently.

"Yes- if you wouldn't mind joining me," he responds, returning her searching look with his own. "It would be only the two of us- since things have been a bit busy lately, and we've rarely had a chance to talk by ourselves. A simple chat together, if you like."

She ponders his words, and Len turns his sight to the barely touched breakfast on his plate. Ever since he bought that bottle from the girl on a whim- was it only a week ago?- he's been fighting with himself. It's as if two sides of him are battling for dominance- the rational side that told him what he wanted was impossible and wrong, that said he couldn't just _force_ Rin to love him, and the crazed part of him that demanded to see this through to the end, to at least make his own feelings known because maybe, just maybe, she might return those feelings. It was both worth the effort, yet completely terrifying at the same time.

The day after he had purchased said bottle of love potion, he had tried to find that girl again, to have her explain the full effects of it and at least help him understand what it would do. Unfortunately, she was nowhere to be found, vanished without a single trace she had ever been there. He was left only with a choice- to throw away the bottle and forget, or go through with his hazed plan.

Seeing Mikuo frequently visit Rin, often taking her for walks and publicly courting her without a care in the world- helped him decide on what his choice was. The entire point of tea tonight is to do it- to finally use the potion. He had stared at it each night, daring himself to pick it up and use it, but had failed to bring himself into actually doing it until now.

"You know, I think that would be lovely," Rin speaks up, drawing him from his rambling thoughts. "I love the sound of it."

A chill races through Len's spine. "You would? I'm glad. It will be my pleasure," he tells her, offering her a genuine smile.

Hers is far brighter than any light in the room. "I do love spending time with you. I apologize for not having as much free time as usual." He doesn't miss the sweet gleam in her eyes.

"It's no problem at all, Rin. I understand." _You much prefer the company of_ _him_ _._ His own dark thought takes him by surprise, more malice than he intends flowing through it. _Have I come to loathe Mikuo, because of my own emotions? I tolerated him before, but simply the mention of his name irks me now._

"You're so kind to me, Len." Rin rises, brushing down the front of her simple pink gown. "Please excuse me. I'm sorry, I have some things to take care of- but I promise you I will return soon. I look forward to our evening together."

"As do I," he reciprocates earnestly. "I'll see you tonight, then."

She nods, and he watches reluctantly as she turns away and disappears from the room, her footsteps fading from his hearing.

_Am I truly going to do this to her? If I do, she will never forgive me- unless the effects are permanent. Damn… I wish I knew the full use of the liquid._

Frowning at his still full plate, he pushes it away from him. "Meiko!" he calls, tossing his napkin to the table and getting up from his seat as the brunette steps into the room. "Take this away- bring me a few scones in my study."

"What? But Your Grace, you've barely eaten-" she starts to protest, mature, feminine worry in her voice, but Len doesn't stay in the room long enough to listen to her concerns. He hurries away, his fingers running through his hair with slight irritation.

Maybe focusing on his work will distract him from what he wants to do- what he _will_ do. Perhaps he can truly contemplate what he wants, and decide if this is truly the best answer.

What if she does love him? What then? Has he even had time to think of a response, of how he would approach her? If he pours that potion into her tea and she finds out, their relationship will be ruined- and that will most likely kill him. To be distrusted and hated by her may be worse than a death sentence.

There is also the other option; in which she feels absolutely nothing for Len and her heart has been taken away by Mikuo. How could he deal with such a fact, not that he isn't already facing such a possibility? It's not as if he can change her mind simply by force of will. He'd have no choice but to sit by and allow her to be happy with someone else, even if it tore him to bits inside.

He lets out a frustrated groan that echoes down the hall, rubbing his temples and inhaling deeply. Somehow, someway, he has to have an answer at the least.

Tonight, he'll hopefully get what he desires- just as that girl said.

...If only he could realize what it really is.

.X.

The next few hours pass by ever so slowly.

Len arranged for tea-time later in the evening, and then buried himself in his documents, his stomach in knots that seemed to increase in number and tightness the closer it came to his meeting with Rin. Even with his mind consumed with properties and numbers, he couldn't stop himself from wondering what exactly his cousin was out doing- if she's with _Mikuo_ again and sharing his laughter, falling more for him, or allowing him to steal her right from his grasp.

How twisted his heart has become.

The sky outside his study window changes from blazing scarlet to deep navy, and he sighs, placing his remaining unfinished work off to the side and leaving his desk. He wanders to his room, searching for the right outfit. It won't be a very formal affair, but he wants- perhaps foolishly- to look regal, like someone worthy of Rin's affection.

Though, what is the point? Simple appearance cannot change how someone feels. He's setting himself up- and for what reason? Rin may knock him from his high and be disgusted that he has even thought of these things.

….Gah, thinking about his actions is only worsening his stress. One way or another he'll have to choose a path.

He picks up the bottle of liquid from his vanity and rolls it in his palm, wondering what the name of this creation is. So small, yet able to make his wishes become reality with a few small drops? Could it really be so simple?

Perhaps… he should taste it himself. His curiosity is overwhelming- maybe if he knows the effects of the potion, he'll better know what choice to make.

Uncorking the glass, Len hesitantly allows a small drop to sit on the skin of his finger. Though the room is vaguely lit, the clear substance glitters as if holding the entirety of the night's stars. He gazes at it in wonder- _this_? This small concoction is enough?

He'll find out.

Raising the drop to his lips, he registers the faintest scent of roses, along with something else he's uncertain of- though it seems a little familiar.

_I wonder what was put into this…_

Just as he is about to touch the droplet to his mouth, a knock at the door makes him quickly withdraw his hand, nearly losing the liquid to the floor.

"Your Grace," Meiko's voice emanates echoes through the wood, sounding cool yet still a tad concerned from earlier. He feels ashamed for giving the older woman worry. She is the only member of his staff that has treated him like a child of her own. "Lady Rin is awaiting you in the parlor."

"Thank you- I'll be down in just a moment," he responds. He brushes the drop back into the bottle, his nerve long since gone. It's not something he wanted to do, anyway, and maybe it's best she stopped him.

But, if he himself is afraid of the potion, should he really be giving it to Rin?

Flicking back the hair falling into his eyes, he straightens his collar, slipping the tiny container into his pocket. He takes a deep breath and leaves the room.

Meiko has disappeared from view, allowing Len a rush of relief that he wouldn't have to face her examining gaze. Casting a sidelong glance down the hall, he shakes off a strange chill and continues on to the room where his darling cousin waits for him.

Entering the lavish parlor, he's taken aback by Rin's appearance. Sitting casually against the thick cushions of the loveseat, she's dressed in a slim, silvery gown that takes his breath away. Lace lines the bodice, and the sleeves bell out in a graceful manner. He's not sure where she managed to find such a garment- but it suits her incredibly well. Her short blonde curls are loosely scattered at her shoulders, framing the cherub-like porcelain of her face, and her lips color akin to a pink rose.

"Len." Her voice makes him snap to, and he quickly removes his stare from her figure as she picks herself from her seat. "There you are."

He tugs a bit at his frilled collar, feeling heat build under his skin. "Erm, hello, Rin." Where is his composure? Her stunning visage caught him off-guard. He _had_ expected her to dress finely, but this is completely overwhelming.

Forcing himself to focus, he sends her a languid smile, taking a few more steps into the room to bow. "You look beautiful," he says with honesty, allowing the words to tumble from his throat.

Her cheeks color with a faint blush, and she returns his smile brightly. "Thank you, Len. It means quite a lot coming from you."

"Please, sit back down," Len gestures, moving to take the seat beside her. "This isn't a formal affair, you understand."

"I'm well aware. Frankly, I'm a bit glad," she tells him softly, brushing down her dress and sitting with grace beside him. He marvels at how easily she moves- her every motion is fluid and lithe. The girl seems to exude beauty. Perhaps, however, he's just more attuned to her actions than others. He'd be hard-pressed to admit he hasn't found, nor has he tried, to find fault within Rin's innocent demeanor.

"I'm a little tired of stuffy formalities," she murmurs, gazing down at her fingers as they twine together in her lap. "Truly, I wish we were all as casual with one another as you and I are, Len."

"Hmm? Why is that? I thought you enjoyed such things," he inquires, scanning her expression. "The parties, formal dances and etiquette- do you not like it?"

"In ways, it _is_ nice, and has its own intrigue, but… It's unsatisfying," she continues. "I enjoy being able to talk freely with someone, rather than calling them by title or being expected to bow before them. I love the idea of being able to make acquaintances with someone in a more natural way, than with such rules and de rigueur."

He's surprised she feels this way, but for some reason is interested by it- the train of thought she possesses is truly astonishing. "I see... You're right, Rin. It is far more pleasant talking with someone like you, than with some of the much stiffer busybodies who hold to rules," he says lightly, considering her words.

Rin gazes at him, and she seems to grow a bit flustered. "You're so sweet. Normally anyone else would chastise me for having such thoughts- yet with you, I can freely be myself. Thank you, Len." Her entire expression glows.

"No, no, don't thank me," he quickly protests, waving a hand. "The pleasure is entirely mine, Rin." His heart soars with elation, and he's almost embarrassed by how smitten he is by her. A few words of praise and he's lost to everyone but her.

"If only I could talk about these things with Mikuo as well," Rin says with a sigh, clasping her hands tight in her lap. "He's just as set in the accepted ways as any other. If I could only change his mind, even a little, it would be quite the accomplishment for me." She laughs to herself.

Len's smile fades a bit, swallowing down an unbidden retort he would never want to say in front of the blonde girl. The sound of Mikuo's name considerably dampened his high spirits. _Must he be spoken of? This is my time to talk alone with her, and still that tealet finds a way to appear in conversation._

At this thought, he is reminded of the light weight shifting in his pocket, the fragile bottle's image returned to mind. Again the decision faces him. _To use the potion…? Maybe then, she would think of none other than I._ The selfishness within that simple desire appalls him the moment he considers it.

"Len? Are you alright? You've suddenly become very pale," Rin says, and he jumps when her cool palm presses to the top of his hand, not expecting the gentle gesture.

He frowns, shaking his head. "I- I'm sorry, I was just deep within my thoughts." Her touch stings him, sends electric shocks racing through his arm.

"What is it that captured your mind so fully?" Rin inquires, refusing to let the subject go.

His gaze avoids hers; as if he can look into those bright sapphire eyes and lie to her. And of course, he'll never tell her of his own dirty scheme. He himself despises what he's become- the last thing he wants is Rin disgusted by him as well.

"Nothing, I was-" He clears his throat, "-I just realized that I had yet to make our tea. Forgive me, Rin." The lie itself burns his tongue, each syllable painful to utter.

The girl leans back, shrugging her small shoulders nonchalantly. "That's what bothers you? Please, Len, don't fret over such triviality. It's not so important-"

He abruptly rises from the loveseat, interrupting her mid sentence. "I know, it's really not terribly pressing, but please give me a few moments to brew the tea. I have a specific type I know you'll love, and I simply have to have you try it."

"Oh, well… alright, I suppose," she relents. "If it means so much to you… I'll gladly await your return. Surely it must be amazing tea." Her eyes tease him, gleaming with playfulness he loves.

"It most certainly is. I'll be back in just a few minutes," he promises, flashing her a convincing smile, before leaving to return to the kitchen.

 _She trusts me. Her trust weighs down on me so heavily, as if dragging me down…_ His thoughts take a self-loathing turn as he enters the kitchen, and he simply stands there, fuming over his actions. _I am the worst. To betray her… is it really the right thing?_

A horrific, painful mental image of her- beautiful and clad in the most glorious of wedding dresses- walking toward a grinning tealet groom, slashes through Len's heart like a dull knife.

If Rin was to be taken away by someone else, he wouldn't be able to bear it. It would tear him to shreds.

With shaky fingers he finds teacups, preparing water and locating tea. He dare not call for a servant; he must be the only person to know of his deception. Thankfully he's had many late nights of work, and has done this before.

While he busies his hands, his mind runs through the many reasons why he should _not_ be doing this. _It's so risky. The effects of it are completely unknown- that little girl could have been lying and it's really poison, meant to sully my family name and ruin me. It's impossible to know what will happen once Rin drinks it, and- if she_ _dies_ _, I'll never forgive myself._

 _Am I really falling so low as to drug the only person I love? Am I such a- a filthy person?_ He swallows hard. _I don't know which choice is right, but in the end…. it comes down to this moment. I have to choose._

Too soon it seems the tea is prepared, two floral-designed cups of black liquid sitting side by side on a decorative metal tray, and he tugs the crystalline bottle from his pocket.

For a moment he simply stares at it, and the oddest urge to throw the bottle out a window and be done races through his bloodstream. His grasp is tight around the small thing- white knuckles against clear- just enough not to crush it. It fits neatly in his palm, smooth to the touch. A deceptively lovely object that has more power than he likes to admit.

His free hand tangles in his hair, gripping to it tightly as he grits his teeth in frustration. _Should I? Do I do this and seal our fate? A love potion with unknown consequences- is it worth the risk? Is it worth_ _losing_ _her?_

He wants Rin. He wants to be happy with her, he wants to live with her and hold her in his arms and simply _be_ with her. He loves her more than anything, treasures her. It's his heart's desire to have her love him in return- is that so wrong? If this potion reveals her true feelings, whether she loves him or doesn't, then it's okay. That's all he wishes for, isn't it? A chance for her affection.

Before Mikuo steals her away forever.

Growling unintelligibly, Len rips the cork from the bottle and tilts it over one of the cups, watching the liquid fall into ebony and disappear without a trace, as if it was never there. He put maybe a bit more than he had meant to in it, but it shouldn't matter much. He stirs the drink to make sure it's mixed well, while fear grows in his chest. What has he done? He's really going through with it- he's fallen so low as to let jealousy take over and rule him.

He really doesn't deserve Rin. Not after this.

He's almost afraid to return to the room with her, but he picks up the tray, pocketing the bottle once more, and takes a deep breath to calm his nerves. It's too late for regrets, isn't it? Now all he can do is finish what he's started… right?

Len pauses, staring down at the cup he tainted, and frowns. He could still stop. He could still change this, tell Rin how he feels naturally and find out if she's the same. It doesn't have to be like this- forced, wrong. He can change the course he's taken; he can-

"Len? Len, where are you?"

Her voice finds its way down the hall, meaning her quick arrival, and his lungs constrict in panic, thoughts taking a blank turn as he fumbles for a response. "A-ah, my apologies, Rin," he calls, leaving the kitchen to find his cousin walking toward him down the hall. "It took longer than I thought."

The girl tilts her head. "I was a bit worried you may've gotten lost," she teases, eyeing the tray as he nears. "Was everything alright?"

"Yes, just- it took me a bit of time to find the right tea." He ushers her back to the parlor, words getting caught in his throat. She may've become suspicious of him- and for good reason, he thinks bitterly.

Once he's sat her back down comfortably and placed the tray on the close-by small table, he returns to his place beside her. His palms are sweaty, his nervousness hard to hide. Damn… this is getting harder and harder to deal with. He had been so ready to stop himself, but she…

"Really, Len, are you sure nothing is bothering you?" Rin presses him, her tone firm yet gentle. "You seem on edge about something."

Struggling to keep himself in check, he shakes his head. "I've just… many things on my mind," he says truthfully. "Please, don't worry, cousin. It's nothing to concern yourself over."

"Of course it is. You're family, after all. I can't simply ignore you. Could I help in any way?" she asks, blinking her wide blue eyes at him.

"No, truly. I'll be fine," he reassures her, hoping he seems convincing.

She looks highly unsatisfied, but thankfully allows the topic to drop. "If you insist…" she murmurs, and reaches out for a cup of tea- the one he placed the potion into.

Alarm bells ringing in his mind, he involuntarily throws his hand out to stop her, his palm over the top of hers. "W-wait!" he halts her, before he realizes what he's done.

Perplexed, she narrows her eyes at him. "What is it, Len?"

His chest is constricting so, so tightly. "A-ah, it's hot, I mean. Please don't drink it fast." The lie slips from his tongue like liquid poison.

She stares at him a few moments, before laughing. "You are such a worrywart!" Brushing his hand away, she retrieves the cup, holding it delicately between her slim hands.

"Perhaps you're right." He chuckles uncertainly, unable to take his gaze off the steaming liquid. He feels like someone is crushing him from the inside.

Rin smiles ever so sweetly at him. "It should be I that is concerned over you." She giggles to herself, lightly blowing on the tea before raising the cup to her lips.

The words to stop her bubble again to Len's tongue, but it's too late- she's already sipping it, the potion down her throat and closing the door on any escape he may have had. His entire being freezes as she closes her eyes, a small sigh following as she savors the taste.

Seeming surprised, Rin looks at him. "You're right, Len- this tea is like nothing else," she remarks. "I'm glad you chose to share it with me. It's almost as if made of… liquid roses."

Liquid roses? He studies her face. "I knew you'd love it." _Nothing- not a single change? I don't know if it's immediate or...? The potion might kick in tomorrow for all I know._

She takes another long drink from her tea, humming under her breath. "You must tell me what kind this is. It's rather soothing. I may need it far more often after this."

 _Maybe the taste is from the potion…?_ He glances down at his lap, thinking hard. _That would explain a bit..._

"Len, may I ask something of you?"

"Ah? What is it?" he answers quickly, forcing himself to be calm as he faces her.

She seems to pause a moment considering, before smiling. "First, why don't we go into your garden?"

"My… garden…?" he repeats, feeling he may have misheard. He rarely visits the place- he sometimes even forgets he has one. He leaves the business of tending the flowers to his servants, and doesn't bother with it. Why would Rin want to go there?

"Yes! Come with me." She sets her teacup down and takes his hand warmly in hers, pulling him up with an air of playfulness.

"Rin, I-" He falls silent, not really able to find a viable protest as she takes him from the parlor and off into the darkened halls of the manor, seeming to know her way far better than he would've thought.

A few moments later, and Rin pushes through a pair of doors, leading out into a beautiful garden. It's not a very large area, but the space is absolutely filled with flowers that start just a breath from where they stand, white blooming plants that wave lightly in the late breeze and shine with the stroke of moonlight from the clear sky above.

"When was the last time you came here?" she asks Len calmly, releasing his hand and clasping her own to her chest, taking a few steps away from him and delicately stepping over the flowers, deeply immersing herself in the garden.

The blond stares after her, watching her entire frame light up in ethereal brightness, the moon turning her gold strands platinum in the darkened garden, her dress shimmering as if made of gossamer. He swallows hard, paying more attention to the beautiful girl in front of him rather than the blooms.

"It has… been awhile," he replies, moving hesitantly toward her- as if she'll disappear in a burst of smoke and illusion.

Not looking at him, she instead turns her gaze up to the sky. "Isn't it breathtaking, Len?"

"...Yes." He moves to her side, taking in the view this time to retain a tiny bit of his sanity and finding he agrees with her assessment. "It is. But, why did you want to bring me here, Rin?"

"I thought that maybe you would appreciate it as much as I do." Now she sees him, and he finds his gaze captured by her own, much like the day they met. "I love it here. Do you know why?"

"I…" Len blinks, the words unsure as he speaks. "... Do you love flowers?"

She laughs at his response. "Not just that, dear cousin."

Reaching down, she plucks a fully blossomed flower from the grass, raising it to her face and inhaling the scent deeply. Smiling to herself, she continues. "I do love flowers, yes, but… not only because they are beautiful. They are also strong, able to bend in the wind and not break, while charming the sights of all who look their way… Until they're picked ever so easily from the ground."

Uncertain of where her thoughts are headed, he frowns. "If they're picked, then surely they weren't strong enough."

Her responding soft chuckle rings strangely within him. "Surely not. But that is beautiful in its own way… isn't it? Pretending to be strong, even if you're not- until someone finally sees through your façade and pulls you out of such an act."

She turns to confront him fully, the blossom's vibrant green stem pinned between her pale fingers. Grasping his hand and closing it around the flower, she encloses him with her own, her skin exuding a pleasant heat. Len can just barely make out a light dusting of red across her cheeks.

"Beauty and strength are truly two of the most used façades. Yet, in the end, we all want to be plucked away from those things by someone special who is not fooled by them."

"Rin?" He can't understand her expression- nor what she's trying to tell him with her cryptic words. It's frustrating as well as intriguing.

Their connected gazes break as she studies the flower. Quiet engulfs them both a few moments, before she finally speaks again.

"Len, I… I wish that somehow, it would be you," she murmurs, almost to herself. "I wish that you were the someone special that would save me from myself."

He can feel his heartbeat drastically change pace at her words, fluttering excitement in his lungs. "W-what are you-?"

Her hands tighten over his. "...I've wanted to say this some time, but I couldn't… find the right words. Len, I… I love you."

A cool rush of relief ebbs through his entire body, far too powerful and mind-numbing. _She loves me- myself, not Mikuo, and that means- is this real? I can't possibly be imagining this-_

He removes his hands from the flower, tugging the fragile girl toward him and embracing her far tighter than he ever has. He could practically sing with elation. Nuzzling into her hair, he revels in the lovely sensation of her body so close to his. He couldn't care about anything else at this moment- the only thing that matters right now is her and her alone.

"I love you, Rin," he finds himself mumbling over and over, as if to convince her of his feelings as well as ease his mind. "I love you so much."

The girl freezes slightly at the abrupt action, but doesn't resist, leaning into his chest. "Truly?"

He pushes her just far away enough to look into her eyes, to communicate his own honesty to her. "Yes, of course. I would never lie to you."

The smile she graces him with is incredible. "I'm so happy, Len." Her fingertips reach up to lightly graze his face, sending tingles everywhere under his skin. "I'm so happy that it's you."

Something bubbles up within him and he cups her cheeks. Her skin is silky and smooth, and her eyes are sapphire in the dark, catching the slightest glint from the moonlight. Rivalling the beauty of a simple flower- far more precious than anything. A sweet miracle. _His_ miracle.

He leans in, hesitating just a moment before contact to savor the moment and the feel of her light breathing, and then bringing his lips to hers in a gentle meeting.

The most euphoric feeling he's ever felt rushed through his entire bloodstream, her mouth soft and pliable beneath his own, and his mind whirls with a strange combination of happiness and excitement, his thoughts sinking into oblivion-

Something slams into Len at that moment, images he's never seen before flitting through his head- blood, Rin in odd clothing lying sprawled in a street and decorated in crimson, screaming, the shine of metal, the sound of breaking wood and fear etched on her face, so many moments of confusion and fear and panic _he can't_ _breathe what is going on-_

" _Unfortunately for you, this is reality."_

Dark words uttered by someone dangerous replays brokenly within him- the one who laughed at the blond's distress as his beloved was ripped from him again and again- and other images flashed by, a gun shining directly in front of his face, crazed cackling, there is so much blood, _too_ much, _Rin, no-!_

Len yanks away from the girl in front of him, surprised to find her pushing at him as well. His chest is heaving as he struggles to push past the icy grip of terror that's taken hold of him, unable to comprehend what he just saw.

Except- he _knows_ what it was. He knows who they were, that it was him and Rin before and he _remembers_ so much of those times, when they were torn apart so often.

"Len?" Rin's voice has changed, taken on an odd edge.

They stare at each other, both trying to understand, to make sense of the mesh of memories that came from nowhere. The air has turned strange, thick with dread.

"Rin, I… That…" He looks at her with new eyes, the girl in front of him blending with the girl from the images. _But- how-?_

Her knuckles are white, gripping the flower so hard he can see watery liquid through the cracks in her fingers. "...What was that, Len? Why are we… _here_? Who are we really…? I don't understand anything-!"

Her voice cracks, and at the same time she doubles over, the blossom falling from her grip as she coughs hard, covering her mouth. When she pulls her hands away, his eyes widen at the sight of blood.

Horrifying realization takes hold of him as she coughs again, her legs giving way and just being saved from falling face first into the flowers by his swooping catch. He holds her trembling form in his arms as the dread grows and envelopes him, dragging him to his knees.

"N-no, Rin…!" he breathes, the words frail and painstaking. The potion. It must have kicked in, it's poison and it's hurting her, he never should have used it this is _his fault_ -

"W-what's happening to me…?" she forces out, one hand clutching the front of his coat and the other pressing against her chest, swallowing agonizingly. "Why…?"

"I'm so sorry," he bursts, holding her closer as he confesses. "I never should have done it, Rin, I'm sorry, I didn't know-"

" _You_ did this?" The bewilderment in her voice makes him flinch. "You… did this to me…?"

"Please, I- I never meant for this! I thought it was- was just a simple love potion. I was an idiot, I- please, Rin, forgive me," he pleads weakly, his eyes becoming watery with tears. Damn him. Damn him to hell for this. He's being ripped to shreds inside. He hadn't thought it through, wasn't sensible, hadn't thought to test it, what has he _done_ to her?!

Her breathing is becoming uneven, and blood is trailing down the corner over her mouth as wracking coughs leave her throat. Her grip is like an iron vise on his shirt. "A… love potion? You used… thinking that…" she struggles to piece together sentences.

"I thought- I thought you loved Mikuo, and I was selfish enough to put you in danger. I just wanted you to love me the same way I loved you and I never- I _never_ wanted this to happen." He frantically wipes away the crimson from his mouth with shaky fingers. "All it was supposed to do was make you realize my feelings and- and- I should have _known._ "

"You loved me so much as to… drug me…?" Rin's eyes pierce his. "Is that really… love at all?"

"No, you- you don't _understand!_ " He tries to reason out his own words to her. "It was all I could do, all I could think of. I thought you were going to be stolen from me."

A halfhearted, fleeting smile rests itself on her lips, startling him. "I understand… perfectly."

Her body shakes again, and she gasps painfully, twisting the knife of guilt embedded in his heart. Her image again melds into the one of her in the deepest recesses of his memory, dying and bloody, tearing at his soul with sharp claws.

"Rin, please hold on just a little longer, I will go find someone to help-"

" _No_!" She shakes her head furiously. "Don't go. Don't leave me. It no longer matters. Stay with me... just another moment."

Len is fixed to the spot as she chuckles blackly, the mere act causing her distress.

"Even though you did something so despicable… even though you did it out of your own selfish whims, I... I do not hate you, Len," she murmurs quietly. "Despite that, I still love you. As wrong as it is, I do believe that…. you didn't mean to hurt me."

"Of course not, Rin, I never would have given you that potion if I'd have known this is what would have happened! I love you!" he answers, trying to convince her.

"...I'm glad." She makes a small humming noise, and then her eyes close. Her grasp on his shirt slackens considerably, and Len is left staring at her in disbelief.

"...Rin? Rin, wake up! Please, please wake up!" he whispers frantically, unable to bring his voice any higher as hot tears drip down his cheeks. "No, this isn't what I wanted! I never wanted to lose you like this! What have I- what have I _done_?!"

He _killed_ her. He killed the girl he loves. What a wretched, disgusting being he is, for having been so selfish. This is his punishment. He hates himself, hates the girl who gave him the poison for dooming them both.

He gently lays Rin's doll-like form down in the bed of flowers, fumbling with his pocket and drawing out the wicked bottle. If possible, his glare would cut through the glass. He wants to throw it out of his sight, but a different thought crosses his mind, somehow more appealing.

He still wants to be with Rin. He's already ruined her life and his own, and there is only one other way out of it, to be with her- if she'd have him still after what he's done.

A way of repentance. Would it be considered the coward's way out, or would he be lucky enough to call this an equal exchange? His life and hers- would that be acceptable for him, to be reunited with her?

The shimmering liquid sloshes as he uncorks the bottle, his mind already made up. Tipping the substance into his mouth, he swallows ashiness and the aromatic aftertaste of rose petals, completely emptying the glass. She had only drank a bit that he had given her- surely in such a large dose, it would be much faster in working its way through his willing system.

_I am… so sorry, Rin. I've never hated myself more- for being weak, selfish, helpless. Even in this life, I couldn't save you. I hope one day, you can forgive me for this._

_If we could, I hope that we meet again._

* * *

 

The sound of clashing metal resounds through the large hall.

A sword flies at inhuman speed, cutting suit after suit of armor down in seconds, only for them to easily pick themselves back from the ground, their bodies reassembling, shreds of metal reforming.

The silveret pauses a moment, the corner of his mouth quirking with a disgusted sneer. "I honestly can't understand the logic of a human. To take your life after having stolen another's- isn't that simply a coward's move? Of course, not that I mind the way it all played out. It was quite entertaining, actually, to watch him pine after her and allow his love to turn to obsession and jealousy. He gave in so easily to my trap… it was nearly unbearable. The Soulmates become weaker and weaker each time they pass through the cycle."

He examines the sword in his hand, admiring the long, shining blade in his hands, the red and black hilt cool under his icy touch. His red-eyed reflection stares back at him in the metal, and he catches a flash of the next life in its gleam. His smile grows, spreading wide across his face.

"Yes… I love the destruction forthcoming with this. A stalemate between two controlled killers with twisted ideals. Surely this will be quite the story to watch unfold. After all, there is nothing I love more than chaotic evil clashing with lawful good.

"I wonder… which piece will move into check?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This has been beta'd by the fantastic Piriluk, who actually read through this 6k mess and helped fix it up hahaha.
> 
> And so the Cantarella arc comes to a close in tragedy once again, leaving an opening for our next dramatic arc! Mmm, can you guess it? It's one of my favorite song series. 
> 
> I had a lot of fun with Cantarella, haha. Struggling just a bit with the next arc, which is mostly because for the last month my muse has been dryer than a desert thanks to my hiatus. 
> 
> Next update will most likely be sometime before or around my birthday next month, depending on how much I get written out before then. So, I'll see you next chapter, ne? Thanks for reading!
> 
> Read on~!
> 
> ~Disclaimer~ I own only bottles of poison and loves long lost.


	8. Karakuri 卍 Burst

_Exquisite._

_The full-lipped white head of a camellia sits amidst a satin blanket of red, held in place by long, alabaster fingers. A soft tune is hummed off key, as the blossom is lovingly caressed._

_The woman holding the beautiful plant admires the tender whiteness- which reminds her of someone. Someone she longs to meet again, to touch. Whom embodies the most beautiful of purities._

… _And who is poorly deluded into thinking_ _he_ _is the winner of their little game._

_A chilling laugh rings through the empty room, and a single crimson eye narrows at the flower, seeing his face and the icy blue depth of his gaze staring back at her. The sight that seems as if it could pierce through her with a single glance_

_How she longs to meet him again… To face the man who holds more truth than he wishes to admit, to speak with him…_

_...to hold her gun to his jawline and hear him beg her forgiveness in that oh-so beautiful voice of his._

_Petals fly in all directions as she rips the bud into pieces with a few simple flicks of her wrists, the soft white flesh settling over her and the floor delicately, like the tears of an angel._

" _Don't worry, Ren," she murmurs to the silence, rubbing a petal roughly between her thumb and forefinger and touching it to her lips, which curve into a sadistic smile._

 _I'll_ _crush_ _you._

" _I'll save you soon."_

.X.

Smoothly caressing the shining, perfect blade of his sword, Ren lightly rubs down the gleaming metal with a cloth, making sure of its perfection. As the weapon is nearly an extension of his arm, he prefers keeping it well-kept; if the need arises, there is every possibility he'd use it to finish off a rather unruly enemy. Being alone in HQ like this also helps give him time to think, and he cherishes every minute he has by himself.

Of course, there is the chance he'll be interrupted.

"You about done there?"

He glances up from his seated perch at the blonde smiling down at him, her long tresses falling over her shoulder like a cornsilk curtain as she leans down to examine his figure. Dressed in their standard uniform, it doesn't do justice to the rather beautiful woman. Her eyes are a kind ocean compared to his steely cobalt, and on the right side of her head sits a large red flower tucked under the edge of her cap. Immediately, he is reminded of a similar adornment along with a wicked, blood-stained smile-

"Why are you wearing that, Lily?" he ignores her question, looking back to his overly clean blade as his mouth becomes unnaturally dry.

"Hm? Oh, this?" she inquires, reaching up to remove the camellia gently. "You don't like it?"

He grunts in response. Of course she knows- she _knows_ what that flower means, who shares its namesake. He's seen those same petals stained a deeper, richer red too many times.

Her soft laugh echoes through the empty air of the room. Everyone else long since left the building for the night- but Ren's known for staying late to take care of various tasks. No one ever asks why; but he's sure none of them want to hear of his inability to sleep soundly for more than a few hours.

"Mm, sorry, Ren," she apologizes, squeezing the flower slightly. "I figured I'd give it a try, you know? Since it seems it's come into fashion." He doesn't miss the implication behind those casually said words. "But… maybe red isn't really my color."

Retrieving a nearby chair, Lily flips it backwards and sits on it, leaning down on the top and fiddling idly with the flower he can't seem to take his eyes off of. "So, what _are_ you still doing here so late? Don't tell me you're here just to shine up your legendary sword, Kagamine." Her voice takes on a teasing lilt.

He sighs inaudibly, leaving the blade across his lap. "I came to do some last minute work. Like always." He really doesn't mean to be so cold, but it's his automatic reaction when others try to pry into him.

Her cheerful expression falls a bit, and he feels a tinge of guilt for making her upset. Lily is a sweet girl- always taking care of everyone in their squad. Almost like the mother hen of their dysfunctional family. The girl is good at cheering up the others, keeping up morale, even when something disastrous happens- as has been the case the last few weeks.

"Mm? Anything I can help with?" There's a barely detected double meaning he nearly misses, along with- what is that? Pity? Sadness? Whatever else is hidden in her tone bothers him immensely.

"Nah, Lily." Ren musters up a half-hearted smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes, hoping that it deters her from continuing. "I'm about to head home. You should too- why are _you_ still here at this hour?"

For some reason, it works, and she brightens considerably. "Ah, I had to check on some paperwork for Shion," she fondly recalls their leader, treating him more as a dear friend than their head.

"I saw you were still around." She fidgets some more with the petals of the blossom, plucking a couple and allowing them to float gracefully to the dirtied mauve carpet, carefully locking eyes with him a second time. "...Hey, Ren. Wanna go grab a couple drinks? Since it's just us, I was-"

"Thanks, but I'll pass this time," he cuts her off before she has a chance to finish her thought, waving a hand dismissively. "I'm beat. I'm just going to go home and crash." There are many reasons he's rejecting an outing like this. One, he's seen Lily get drunk. It's not pretty. Two, drinking's never solved anything for him. If anything, it just compounds his own problems- he prefers to avoid it in general to save himself the hassle of dealing with the aftermath.

"Oh. Oh, that's okay!" Lily retreats quickly, but he knows she's hiding her disappointment as she shrugs off the declined invitation. "You're probably onto something there. I'm kind of tired myself, so… Maybe you're right. But how about tomorrow night we go? We can invite some of the others too?" Her forced attempt to gain his acceptance somehow almost makes him laugh aloud.

Instead, he allows himself to be taken off guard by her pleading and doe-eyed look, and sighs in defeat. "...We'll see, alright?" he murmurs hesitantly, simply saying it to appease her.

"Great! It'll be fun- you definitely won't regret it," she promises him with a wide grin, rising from her seat and moving it back in place, leaning down to collect the discarded petals at her feet.

Ren utters something unheard, but Lily doesn't catch on. "I look forward to it," she says exuberantly, following with a yawn. "For now, though, I'll leave you to your work, hm?" Her blue gaze flickers to his sword and back to his face.

"Yeah, thanks. Get some sleep, Lily." He gives her another small smile, feeling cool relief settle within him that she's going to let him be.

She purses her lips a moment, then nods. "Yeah… you too, Ren. Don't… Don't stay behind too late tonight okay?" It's impossible to miss the concern veiled in her happy tone.

With a wave, she sashays away from him, disappearing from the room. He looks after her a moment, a thoughtful expression written over his face. He knows she's just looking out for him, along with everyone else- but her affection for him doesn't exactly go unnoticed. He tsks to himself. She's beautiful and sweet, reminding him of a colorful bird soaring through endless blue skies. It would be so easy to fall in love with someone free and gentle like her.

Easy for someone else, perhaps. Someone who doesn't constantly have images of blood embedded in his memory- who is both excited and disgusted whenever the familiar sheen of a gun enters his vision and he hears that dark, honeyed voice laden with thinly veiled venom and sharp threats.

His gaze finds a half-hidden piece of Lily's camellia lying below him, and a frown carves into his mouth with distaste. Standing, he sheathes his sword with a fluid motion and adjusts his black coat, straightening the white cuffs of his sleeves absently. There's no way in hell he'll be able to think clearly at this point. Better to just leave and get some rest while he can- even if the idea itself is unpleasant.

Locking up the building, he gets into his car and starts up the engine, his hands tightly gripping the wheel. The drive home is automatic, pure memory as his thoughts drift off to unsavory places. Maybe he does need sleep, to escape the route he's constantly finding himself going down that always ends with _her._

His house is nothing special, no larger than an apartment and incredibly clean throughout,giving off the strong impression that no one lives here in the first place. Walking in, locking the door behind him and removing his cap, he cards his fingers through his unruly mop of blonde hair and takes a deep breath, leaning back against the doorframe for a moment to think.

Deciding he's too worn out to eat anything and promising himself a big breakfast (like he ever eats in the first place, he scoffs,) he wanders down the short, bland hallway to his room, feeling that irresistible urge eating away at him even before he's entered.

The room is small, but more lived in than the rest of his living space. The bed is perfectly made in the corner, but he doesn't bother sleeping just yet, his mind on something else entirely. Instead, he turns to the far wall where a small desk sits, the only one with something to show- but not with normal decor.

Pictures upon pictures cover the beige wall, each one depicting a scene- some of long-since fought battles, some of co-workers who lost their lives- but the one thing that stands out amongst all is in each photo, it has something to do with _her_.

She, who summons a teasing smirk while mercilessly killing person after person as if unaffected by her own cruelty. She, who plays around with him like he's nothing but a puppet controlled by her strings.

She, who plagues his mind like an incurable illness, tainting his every thought with blood, death and insanity.

_Tsubaki._

A woman who crushes any who opposes her, leaving them nothing but a reminder of whom not to cross. A woman who leaves emotional and mental scars with each white, agonizingly slash of her words, with every motion of her lithe body. Hateful chaos exudes from her very fingertips; a glance into her crimson red eye is enough to poison you from the inside out.

He leans his hands along the desk below them, scanning the pictures. There is no _real_ reason he keeps these photographs, other than to study her- her every expression, the slightest change in her stance, the unmistakably dangerous quirk of her pert lips. There's always something in her gaze he can't place- it doesn't matter whether it's right after she's decimated their high-tech machinery or killed someone full on, to simply impassive, her eye portrays more than casual bloodlust. There is _so, so much more_ to the beautiful, lethal Tsubaki.

He wants to explore it. Delve deep into her dark mind and find his answers there. He knows she has them, knows she is hiding it behind her unreadable iris. He wants to know everything about her that he can find. A sick, darkly blooming curiosity that has built up with his each encounter with her. He wants to tear her apart inside to find her innermost secrets. He wants to _know_ her completely, to understand her. Maybe he'd then feel he understood himself just a tiny bit more.

Ren can't explain his actions in the least. For Tsubaki, he should only feel unbridled animosity. She is a ghost, a weapon used without hesitation by their opposing army. She isn't a person, not anymore- if she ever was.

And yet.

There is something about her, something he can't put his finger on that catches every time he's near her, exposed to her. Though not often, their every encounter is heated, a spark that reignites some long lost flame neither of them ever remember existing. There can't possibly be a chance she hasn't felt it too- but he has a feeling that neither of them truly know what it means.

It hurts him. He wishes he understood why, whenever she came near, a conflicting battle inside starts over and over again- one side wanting to rip her to pieces, to shed her blood to color the soil she's dirtied so many times before. He wants to crack her shell and see the weakness she fights so hard to hide away; to peel away the thin bandages over her eye and see if her scars match his own.

The other side has this unorthodox urge to pin her to him and force the truth from her lips with his own. He isn't sure if it's passion or lust- but he knows that it's twisted. It's destructive and fiery and in the end, it will finish with one or the other dying.

He's well aware there is no happy ending.

It's slowly driving the sanity from his mind, the most broken of emotions. Hate mixing with the possibility of passion; creating a wrongful concoction of unmistakable bloodthirst and pain.

The worst part of all, is that he knows she is somehow connected to his jigsawed past.

Reaching for a drawer below him, he slides the creaking oaken wood open. The drawer has various pens, letters, memorabilia from his few years in the service of Shion- but the most important part of all is hidden deep underneath, as not to be ruined by someone else's thin, prying fingers.

A dusty, barely colored photograph. He doesn't bother to hang this one- it's incredibly faded, but the image is still able to be seen even if a tad unclear. He's pored over it's wrinkled surface so many times, he's sure that it's ingrained in his mind's eye.

Depicted in it is two children. Their faces are smudged slightly, but he knows every inch by heart. His fingertips barely graze the outline, looking at it. He can just tell that both children- a boy and a girl- are blonde, playing happily together. However, that's all it has for him to know. No names, no dates. Nothing to ease his mind.

He wants to throw it away, but he has this inner feeling that it means something, more than it lets on- much like Tsubaki herself. He knows she's connected to these children. Whoever they are, mysterious and faded with the passage of time, means something to _him._

And for that, he will pry every last secret from her throat; even if he has to cut it open to get to them.

Exhaustion settling over him like a thick cloud, he quietly puts away the picture, moving to turn off his light and fall into bed. Whenever he tries to remember anything of his past, serious fatigue washes over his entire being. He can't remember no matter how he tries, and he hates it more than anything- the feeling of helplessness, of not being able to have his past returned to him.

Only in his dreams is he allowed to pretend that he is more than a nameless shadow, with no background to his persona, nothing to call his own. He is but a husk without his core, and he will do _anything it takes_ to get back what is rightfully his.

Tick tock. It's only a matter of time before his day comes- when he finally clashes with Tsubaki and everything is thrown into the light.

He awaits that day.

.X.

" _Mm, do you see this?"_

" _Ah, yeah! What is that? It's so poofy- and yuck, pink."_

" _Heeey! It's so pretty, though! It's called a… a 'tsubaki' flower. I think… Maybe..."_

" _You mean you don't even know? You're so dense."_

_Bright sunshine filters in through thick foliage above, illuminating the children's world in brilliant shades of jade and emerald. Playing in the grass and flowers, two blondes smile as they chat. Everything is cast in an ethereal glow- a breathtaking scene. Peaceful, like the calm before a storm._

" _Hey, don't move a sec."_

" _Huh? Why?" The girl's voice rings throughout the small, cozy area._

" _Just don't." In a swift move, the boy plucks the lush flower and places it at the girl's crown, tucking it softly between her ear and her hair. "There. This looks really nice on you."_

_She smiles, her cheeks turning rosy pink. "You really think so?"_

" _Yeah," he responds, touching her hand gently and offering a heartfelt smile before jumping, something crossing his mind. "O-oh, wait, I have something for you…"_

_He fumbles around in his pockets a moment, while the girl looks on curiously. Letting out a noise of triumph, he tugs out a small ring. The object is thin metal, while the intricately designed flower decorating the top is vibrant yellow-green plastic._

" _H-huh? That's for me?"_

" _Uh-huh. I got it for you. Will you put it on?"_

" _Y-yeah! Sure!" She picks the ring from his hands and presses it onto her finger, grinning as it easily fits her slender hand. "Awww! It's so pretty!"_

_Now it's the boy's turn to blush, his young face reddening considerably at her happy reaction. "I'm glad you like it. I… I got it, so that no matter what, you have something to remember me by," he tells her seriously. "Even if we get separated, hold on to it and it'll keep you safe. And someday, I'll come find you. Promise, okay?"_

_Her shiny blue eyes widen, then she nods vigorously. "Okay, promise! I won't forget- I'll never take it off, no matter what! But…" Her face falls for a moment. "How will you remember me, though? I'll have the ring, but what about you? I can't think of anything I can give to you…"_

_Sensing her distress, the older of the two ruffles her hair, giving her a blinding grin that rivals the sunlight. "Hey, I don't need anything, y'know? I'll always remember. You're my best friend, aren't you? There's not a chance I'll forget about you. I'll always come find you."_

_For a moment, it's as if time falls into a silent lull, nothing but the two bright expressions on the two's faces for that single, cherished moment._

_But, even with the lightest of memories, the darkness eventually comes to stain unerasable black throughout it._

_Rustling alerts the children to someone else's presence, and fear overtakes them both, the meadow no longer a safe haven. The visitor is unseen, but the two are panic-stricken by their presence. Pushing the girl in the other direction in his mad rush, the blonde boy yells, his voice too shrill and filled with horror and uncertainty, a cacophony of terror. "Run! Get away, hurry!"_

" _You have to get out of here before it's too late, Rin!"_

"No!"

Bursting into a conscious state, Ren inhales deeply, his hands pressed over his eye in an attempt to calm himself, the socket of his other aching dimly with long-since familiar pain. Vaguely he can hear his phone going off on his bedside table, most likely the cause of his awakening.

That dream… Even now, it's fading fast from his memory, slipping through his grasp like sand- but he remembers. For a moment he remembers _something._ Not nearly enough to give him the mental relief he needs, but he could feel the tension, see the scene play out without explanation, and he was left with only-

_Rin._

A girl's name, maybe? It could be just his imagination playing tricks on him and creating made up identities, but it fits her too easily to be played off as a simple coincidence. The name feels dredged up from long unexplored depths, and it has _some_ meaning, even if unclear right now.

Knowing it will nag at the back of his thoughts for some time, he swallows to ease the dryness of his throat and reaches over to grasp his still-ringing phone, answering it roughly. "Hello?"

"Ren?" Lily's voice crackles through to him. "I've been calling you for ten minutes. Where are you?"

He glances at his bedside clock and groans. He's not even supposed to be up another hour. Lily has a bad habit of forgetting that, though. Sitting up and rubbing the bridge of his nose, he sighs. "I'm around. What's up?" He detects something in her tone he can't quite place, which he knows is never a good sign with the slightly older woman.

Her next words send chills through him. "Ren, it- it's _her_ again. She struck our northeast border, wiped out a healthy batch of our newer models... and some of our people. How fast can you get here?"

 _Tsubaki._ Her and her notorious mini raids. She seems almost inhuman, the way she can easily break through ranks of their finest machinery. The mess she leaves behind is never pretty, but it would be hard to say it isn't impressive.

 _He_ finds it intriguing. The ease with which she cuts through opposition- the grace she exudes when taking the head from someone's shoulders, the sheen of blood decorating her favorite dress and dripping down to color the white camellia-patterned stockings-

His mind is working overtime now. She might still _be_ there, might even be waiting on him to show his face, ready to start another game starring the two of them as main players. Which pawn would come out on top? Which of them will win this next match? It's nearly mind-numbing, the excitement pulsing through his veins with the thought of meeting her ruthless, malicious gaze again.

It's been far too long since he's last seen her.

"I'll be there as soon as I can."

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: And so, the next arc starts off with one of my favorite series.
> 
> This is Unbeta'd.
> 
> Welcome to Karakuri Burst/Re:birthed, land of obsession and battles between seductive assassins and soldiers. The song series I at first liked, then came to love. I can only hope I do the series justice. I will do my best. *bows*
> 
> I really hope you like it, and happy birthday to me I guess, haha. As promised, I posted the chapter. As for when the next update will be?
> 
> pffffhahahahaaa. /sweats
> 
> I'll try to update as soon as I can. Things are going to change for me, and I can only hope that I can handle it. As for now, I really hoped y'all liked this chapter and that you'll stick around to read the rest. Reviews don't hurt for encouragement, just sayin.
> 
> Read on~
> 
> ~Disclaimer~ I own only massacres and the shadowed image of a memory, nothing more. Karakuri Burst is Yamashizuku's love child.


	9. Chasing in a Dream

The drive is far too slow for his liking.

Upon arrival, he immediately sees why Lily was so upset over the phone. The wreckage is in no way beautiful; what once was several rows of military-issued high grade technology, along with the few soldiers manning the outpost, now spreads across the sandy land in pieces, stretching out for what must be at least a mile. Much like someone had chosen to simply massacre the entire area, no rhyme or reason to it.

_Just like her,_ he thinks with black amusement.

"Look at this," Lily says from beside him, disgust stark in her voice. Her blue eyes are narrowed in the harsh sunlight. "All of it- ruined. We might be able to salvage some of it, but she really did a number on it all. Even… Even the people are..."

Blood splashes over various stretches of ground, trails leading to mauled bodies. Inside, Ren can't help but feel sorry for them, turning his gaze from their mangled forms because it's hard to face them, to know they're all dead and he has yet to capture their killer. This isn't the first time he's been faced with a mess like this, and he's sure this won't be the last time he sees it. No one is a match for Tsubaki- once she has you in her sights, you're already nothing more than a corpse. She'll tear you to irreparable shreds with a luscious smile, taking down absolutely anything that dares to get in her way.

Anything but him, that is. Only he is enough to stop her. Only he is able to take her down- his purpose in life is to end her once and for all.

He will never stop _trying,_ until the day she finally surrenders to him.

Lily presses a hand to her cheek, inhaling deeply, and he pulls himself from his thoughts long enough to touch her shoulder. "Are you alright?" he asks her.

"Yeah." She lets out a trembling breath, looking over at him apologetically. "Sorry, I'm not really… a fan of blood, y'know? Or… anything like this." She laughs without mirth, her gaze cast down. "I'm usually okay, it's just… I _knew_ so many of them."

"I understand," he says simply, nodding to her. He's not surprised she's affected so harshly. She most likely knew them all by name. Her makeshift family, the ones she once took care of and valued- now lying in unfixable heaps, ragdolls in the dust.

Tsubaki's favorite pastime- destroying the things that people love most. Her pleasure watching the light drain from someone's eyes is unbearable, pure carnal desire, too similar to something he's come to know far too well.

It's much the same as how he feels, while he dreams of breaking her.

"Anyway." The blonde beside him massages her upper arm with one gloved hand, wispy tendrils of hair lightly blown in the wind. "From here we start searching. We need to find anything helpful, check ID's, et cetera."

"Alright. Let's split up; we'll cover more ground that way." Ren tries not to allow anything to color his tone. Lily would never understand his desire to see Tsubaki alone- and to be honest, he wouldn't want her to.

She looks at him then, her lips forming a grim frown. There is no mistaking the worry on her face; her expression is nothing but an open book.

"Okay…" Her hand touches his shoulder then, hesitant, deliberate- cautious. "Ren… Be safe, alright? The others will be here soon, so if anything happens-"

"I'll call you. But I can handle myself, remember?" He taps the handle of his sword to ease her. "I'll be fine. Watch your back, Lily."

For a moment it seems she's going to force him to take her along anyway, but she sighs instead and offers a smile- her way of letting go.

Nodding to her, he turns and starts scouring the area, putting distance between he and Lily. Even before he'd left her presence, his mind was consumed with 'what ifs'. _What if Tsubaki's waiting for him to show his face? What if he's holding out for nothing?_

What if this is their final meeting?

Such a bittersweet thought that is, and it comes with a deluge of emotions he's not ready to face quite yet. Chasing it out of his thoughts, he forces himself to focus on the task at hand, his boots crunching against gritty sand while he searches for anything resembling a human being. (Dead or alive.)

Not long after, he stumbles upon a body in mostly one piece. Gunshots are embedded in their skull and chest, no more than an hour old, blood splattered across their uniform and pooled around them. Ren kneels down to inspect them, finding their ID hidden in a side pocket.

_Teto Kasane._ He can vaguely recall this girl, a pink-haired ball of enthusiasm. What once was vibrant life on her childish features is now nothing but pale, marred fear permanently etched. She was young, one of the newer recruits- and now she's just one of Tsubaki's broken toys, left to rot.

He wonders how much the girl must have suffered- or if she did at all. The wounds are clean, precise- like the trained assassin was in a hurry to finish and get out. It's normal for her to leave scars, gaping wounds, ugly crimson injuries that are branded in your mind forever.

She once said it was because she loved it. She told him, when it seemed like the end and his sword was at her throat, her smirk heart-stoppingly close as he held her angrily to a wall and watched droplets of blood trail over the ivory skin of her neck. Tsubaki told him that she left such monstrous, wretched disfigurements because she wanted them all to have matching scars, to all be the monsters they were within so they would die as their real selves.

He should have finished her then and there- but she escaped him like water between his fingers, ever so easily evading him, leaving him empty handed and frustrated in more ways than one, just like always. A trait he's come to despise, because he wants her right where he can see her, where he can punish her and turn her inside out so he can see every scar on her soul.

As he stands, he feels something heavily cold press to the back of his head, leaving him motionless as warmth leans into his frame from behind. Slim fingers lightly trail over his hip, and he catches a glimpse of white and red. Instantly chills race through him, because he knows it's _her._

"Hey there, Ren," her silky voice breezes over him, her breath tickling his ear as she whispers, dark venom laced through her flirtatious demeanor. "It's been awhile, hasn't it? Have you-" She moves in closer to him, hot, syrupy warmth amplified by his hyperactive senses. "-missed me at all?"

"Tsubaki," he growls, taking a deep breath. He needs to get control, because she took him off guard and he's suddenly far too focused on her proximity. He can smell her heady citrus scent far too close, feel her body up against his, and he's not prepared for everything- lust, anger, _yearning-_ that rushes through him.

(When is he _ever_ prepared when it comes to her?)

She chuckles, the gun holding him in place shifting just slightly. She's toying with him, drawing out the moment. He starts to count slowly in his head, biding his time. He'll wait for his chance, before she can pull the trigger he'll have her in his grasp and he'll _catch her-_

Her tone is disarming, lilting and velvet. "You seem all too happy to see me." His breath catches in his throat when her lips trail the edge of his ear. "It's been too long. I've missed your pretty face."

"Why are you here?" he forces through clenched teeth, his hands balling in fists at his sides. He can't see her, but he can _hear_ the teasing smirk she wears. She's running her fingertips up his side, and he's starting to lose focus on what he has to do because she's too intoxicatingly close to him. It's always like this- a war of right or wrong whenever she's around. She's poison, black oil mixing with his blood.

"'Why'? Come now, Ren, you're the smart one." He feels her chest move as she hums to herself, and his fingers twitch at his sides, forcing himself to keep still because she can kill him at _any_ second and she knows it. "I came to see you, of course. I just love watching your handsome self become all riled up when I'm with you. This time it almost seems like you were waiting for me. _Were_ you?" she wonders, playful, like a cat cornering her mouse.

"Like hell." He wants her to get off him, because with her attached to him like this he can't _think_ , and every thought he manages to resurrect goes in the wrong direction. His entire body is rigid, ready to move.

"Getting worked up, are we?" Her teeth graze the curve of his ear, and he's _seconds_ away from turning on her and doing _something_ \- good or bad, he's unsure. She's fire against him, virulent heat. "I _love_ it."

Unable to stand being cornered by her any longer, he jerks his sword from its sheath and ducks from her hold. A gunshot echoes out a mere second after, so close it leaves his ears ringing, but he's already moving, not taking a single moment for granted.

His sword slashes up, aiming for her neck but finding only air. Of course she's already in motion- she had clearly anticipated that he would react eventually. In this way, it's always like they're in sync; their body language is tuned together, and one knows when the other is going to move. It never fails to send him for a loop, how similar they are… and how absolutely different.

Sword gripped tightly in his hand, he's poised to attack her, his blue eye flashing. Only a few feet separates them, and this close to her he can memorize her every fascinating detail, from the scarlet and curve-fitting design of her short dress to the scars scattered along every inch of her skin. Anyone else would be long dead after having that many injuries.

Anyone but him, as he recalls each and every scar of his own that travel the length of his body. Somehow, he can't help but imagine her marks and his connect.

(He would never get close enough to her to find out.)

Yet Tsubaki isn't just anyone, and she lives to taunt him, to drive him mad, as if her purpose is identical to his and all she wants is to _destroy_ him from the inside out. (Or reverse.). A monster, a shadow, an enigma. His true opposite.

Her white coat, draped over her like a sheer curtain and stained with recently spilled blood, billows in the wind as she gazes at him, her gun already cocked and aimed. His eyes trail along her form, finding wounds that seem completely unnoticed by her that must be from her recent romp through their defenses.

She's like a bloodthirsty machine. Injuries, pain- they mean nothing to her. She is untouchable.

Only he is destined to be the one who stops her. It can only be _him._

Her lips part into a sensual smirk, and he finds his sight once again captured by hers; the crimson depths of her iris pull him in, drowning him in blood and emotion. Her blonde bangs, dirtied and scattered over her face haphazardly, just barely cover the now-soiled gauzy bandages hiding her own missing eye. He crushes the spontaneous urge to pick apart the bandages, to see what her scar looks like. It's just one more thing that ties them together, and he wants to know just how similar they are.

He can't shake the sense of familiarity, either, that he feels from her. He can't explain why he _knows_ her so well. If only he could play it off as a result of his obsession- but it's so much more than that, he's _knows_ that it is and he will do anything to discover _why-_

The air seems to become colder as Tsubaki speaks. "Why not take a picture? It'll last longer," she says, a brow raising. "Staring is considered impolite, Ren- but from you, I'll take it as a compliment."

His teeth grind together. "What did you actually come here for, Tsubaki?" Her name is ever so bitter on his tongue. "I know it wasn't just to see me. What are you after?"

"Hmm? I'm not allowed to come see an… old friend?" Her minor hesitation isn't lost to him. "But, I suppose you're right; I didn't _just_ come to see you. That's just an added bonus." She shifts slightly, but her aim stays trained on him, unwavering.

"So _why?_ " he demands.

Her eyes harden, just noticeable to him. "I was looking for something… but it doesn't seem to be here. Which is rather unfortunate for your little friends- they came to see me at the wrong time. I'm just not in the mood for games today, and they made for excellent practice," she says flippantly.

Looking for something? Thankfully, now that she isn't clouding his thoughts, he can focus on what's important, including the bubbling curiosity in his chest. Tsubaki, looking for something _here_ , so close to their boundaries?

"Either way," she continues at his silence. "It's not here, so I really don't have a reason to have stayed. But I just _knew_ that you would come to see me, and I hate to disappoint." She flashes a cocky smile his way, letting out an edged laugh.

His grip on his sword tightens. He can tell by her tone that whatever she was looking for is important- it must have meant something to her, and that itself means that it's no ordinary thing. Burning suspicion engulfs him, and he suddenly has far too many questions he can't ask.

Vying instead from something that doesn't betray the whirlwind building within, Ren speaks. "What makes you so sure it isn't here?"

"Because it was stolen from me," she answers, a shadow crossing her features. "And I think I know by who. So when I find them..."

Her teeth gleam as her smile cruelly twists in malice, her voice dropping below freezing level.

"...I'll rip them apart."

As if on cue, a familiar voice calls his name in the distance. "Ren! Ren, where are you?"

_Lily…!_ Tsubaki looks in the direction of his friend while he keeps her locked in his sight, every muscle in his body tensing.

_If she comes here, Tsubaki will try to hurt her. She doesn't know…!_

However, to his surprise, the red-eyed assassin lets out a short sigh, her mouth melting into a frown. "Seems like our time alone together has been cut short," she notes, tone clipped. "And I was hoping I'd have a nice, long chat with you for once." She turns away from him.

It registers in him then that she's not going to do anything, she's just leaving, but she can't _leave_ and he won't _let_ her. It's a sudden, unexplainable panic that stems from seemingly nothing and everything at once. He wants her to disappear but he wants her to _stay_ because she's perfectly shattered, broken like him and as much as he wants to destroy her he also wants to save her and-

"You're just leaving? That's not like you," he growls, and she pauses, just a slight halt in her step- giving him his chance to come at her, sword flying in a swift arc. He wants to draw blood- he wants to capture her, feel that insatiable heat in his stomach and her flawed skin under his hands and _god_ _dammit she's going to walk away and he refuses to let her go._

She easily moves out of the way, fluid flame that quickly evades his biting ice. Of course she knew he would attack, she always knows; she knows him better than he knows himself sometimes, and for that reason alone he wants to break the lock holding her every secret- the secrets that _must_ tie into his past.

"Oh, come on, Ren- couldn't our parting be less dramatic?" she asks, her red eye piercing through him as she ducks and presses her gun to the underside of his chin, close enough to him he can see flecks of sapphire hidden in her iris, and trace the length of her scar. She has them deadlocked in position, his weapon inches from her neck, her finger tightly held to her trigger.

"Did you expect me to let you go?" He glares at her, daring her to make a single move.

"I thought perhaps we'd be a bit more civil about this. Can't we get along for a day?" she wonders, but there's no sincerity in her voice, simply teasing him in that sugar-laced poison she embodies. "After all, mortal enemies don't always have to kill each other."

He could laugh at the absurdity of that sentence, but he can hear Lily still calling out to him, getting closer, and Tsubaki catches on to the reaction he tries so hard to hide.

"Seems like you're needed, Ren- so you and I can finish this another time. Til then..."

Her gun shoves back into his throat, causing him to choke and falter- all she needs to make her escape. Just as quickly as the harsh pressure was placed, it vanishes, and he feels her lips ghost along his cheek, leaving behind a trail of fire.

"...See you soon, lover boy."

And she's gone. As if she were never there in the first place, like a figment of his twisted imagination; the crushing, beautiful, fatal Tsubaki once again becomes the air he breathes.

He lets out a short gasp, hitting his knees and clutching his throat as he forces himself to recover, unable to yell or force his opponent to return- it wouldn't matter if he did, however, because he knows she wouldn't. She's never once looked back at him each time they've left the other bloodied on the battlefield- whereas he always, always has, just to see her form disappear, swallowed back into the shadows she resides in.

Ren's just managed to gain his voice and composure back when Lily makes an appearance, running to his side to help him. "What happened?" she demands, her voice thick with worry, her fingers tracing his clothes to find any sign of blood or injury.

"Tsubaki," he rasps, clearing his sore throat to speak. "She was here."

Lily's face turns several shades whiter. "What? What was she here for- to rub in the fact that she took out this entire border? Are you alright, Ren?"

"I'm fine, Lily, I'm not hurt." Damn him- he'd had her in his grasp, so close, his sword inches away from ending it; yet she'd still gotten away from him because he's so, so easily taken in by her. He'd let her get into his head again- even now, her face is permanently etched in his mind's eye.

"Why didn't you call for me? Why did you face her _alone_ , you dolt?" He lets out a low, surprised _ow_ when she smacks the top of his head, kneeling in front of him.

"What? Why would I call you here? You know how dangerous she is, Lily-"

"And so do you, Ren!" she yells with frustration. "We both know she can kill you- so why do you always insist on facing her alone when you damn well _know_ she couldn't care less if you get hurt. She's a killing machine, Ren. Her thoughts have one track- murdering anything that gets in her way. Are you _blind_ to the wreckage around us?" She makes a wild gesture towards the mess of equipment and bloodied bodies Tsubaki left behind.

"Of course not, which is why I didn't ask for your help. I can handle her- you can't." he replies shortly, his gaze growing cold.

Lily darkens, and he knows he's said a bit too much, but he doesn't receive a scalding reprimand like he expects.

"..You're right. And I don't like that you're the only one who can," she notes quietly.

He falls silent as she stands up, offering her hand. "Come on, Ren. I have something I need you to see. Shion's already sent backup to scour and clean up, so we're no longer needed."

Inquiry rises in his chest. "Something-? What is it?"

"I've been doing research on Tsubaki," she tells him, her normally cheerful face grave. "I've… found some things I think you should see- but everything's back at my house."

"How did you…?" he asks in disbelief, and she gives him a wry, unpleasant smile.

"I'm not as innocent as I look," she jokes lightly. "I hacked into Hatsune's data files."

A rush of excitement goes through him as he looks up at her. "Are you serious?"

"I've always been skilled with my computer. I have it all saved. And…" she trails off a moment, pursing her lips. "I have something to give you."

"What is it?" He's already thinking of everything Lily's research contains, what it could reveal to him about Tsubaki. It could be their turning point- everything he needs to know to finally make their battles come to an end.

Why... does that scare him?

Lily just tilts her head at him as she pulls Ren from the ground.

"You'll have to see it to know."

.X.

The blonde woman's home is somewhat larger than his, he can't help but notice.

Stepping inside the entry, she casts a vaguely embarrassed glance his way as she moves through her living room. "Sorry it's a bit messy- I wasn't going to have you come over for awhile yet."

"It's fine," he answers, trailing after her, feeling somewhat lost. Everything for her is so different; the interior is nothing like his house. There are paintings on the walls, little trinkets scattered throughout that speak miles about Lily's nature, magazines splayed on the oaken coffee table and . The carpet is a lush blue, everything standing out with a homey feel. The entirety of it gives him cozy, warm vibes that he's never felt walking into his own home. It exudes the motherly, gentle atmosphere that Lily herself gives off.

_It feels so… human._

She flashes him a reassuring smile, beckoning him with one hand as she finds her way to the stairs at the end of the room. "You really should come see me more often, Ren. I never mind visitors."

A stab of guilt at her invitation runs through his chest, the various times she's asked him over or wanted to go out suddenly a reminder at the forefront of his mind. He heaves a sigh, before offering a thin look of enthusiasm that easily cracks. He really does have to wonder why Lily always makes an effort to include him. Someone like him dulls her shine- how does she not realize he's no better company than Tsubaki herself?

It's best if he doesn't bring that up with her.

"You were quiet on the way here," Ren begins instead, adjusting his cap as he treads up the creaky stairs. "What did you find? Why won't you tell me?"

"Because…" The blonde glances back at him, a puzzling expression on her features he can't quite decipher. "If I told you, I don't think you'd understand it the way you need to. You have to _see_ it, Ren."

His mind quickly occupies itself with trying to work out the unclear meaning behind her words, but Lily offers nothing more for him to go on as she steps onto the second floor, falling quiet as she opens the first door to the right of the hall, moving out of the way for him to enter after her and softly latching it behind them.

The room is small, but not empty; a thick wooden desk sits at the end of the room, a silver laptop placed on it and facing away from him. Heavy, full bookshelves line the walls, illuminated by the orange glow of the setting sun through the few windows spread through the room.

"Stay there," she instructs, striding to the other side of the desk and opening a drawer, rummaging within it a moment before pulling out a box that fit snugly in the palm of her hand, colored an off-white.

Gazing at it, she moves back to his side, her jaw set. She takes his hand and places the box in it, inhaling deeply.

"What is this?" Ren asks her, unable to take his eyes off the object warmed by her skin. Something inside him balks at having it, but he doesn't know- can't begin to understand- _why_.

"I found it. I… I think it belongs to Tsubaki," Lily says, her tone clipped. "Which is why I'm giving it to you."

Hesitantly, he slowly raises the lid of the box to reveal the small object within. Almost immediately he stiffens, his fingers tightening a bright white around it with shock.

Inside sits a small ring that could barely fit the tip of his pinky finger, its silver metal band worn and somewhat discolored with age. Embraced by it is a plastic, still shiny green flower emblem.

_This- this is-!_ Flashes of his dream, the vision he had resurrected during the night, race through his mind. This ring… it's the same trinket that those children had-!

"I don't know what it means…" Lily says, her voice hushed as she carefully surveys Ren's reaction. "But I know you do. I know that somehow, Ren, this means something, and you're the only person who can connect the dots."

He examines the ring, his throat closing. It's so familiar… like he's even held it in his palm before. That's impossible- how could that be? Unless…?

The ringing of shattering glass floods the room from behind the blonde woman, and he and Lily duck and cover in shock, neither expecting the sudden explosion. His face contorts in pain when glass cuts across his cheek.

A flash of red catches his eye, along with the unmistakable sheen of a gun's muzzle.

"Lily, watch out-!"

His panicked reflexes don't have time to kick in, and he's unable to react fast enough to the intrusion, his words too late.

Grinning from where she stands beside Lily, her gun cocked and pressed tightly to the other woman's head, Tsubaki presses a hand to her hip, shifting among the shards littered at her feet from her unexpected entrance.

"You didn't think I wouldn't follow you, right?" the blonde assassin murmurs, her eyes only for Ren, her teeth glimmering in her smirk. "I knew one of you had it. Lucky for me, it's not a big deal if I kill _this_ one." The gun presses harshly into Lily's head, and Ren reaches out futilely, as if to stop the force of the bullet with his palm alone.

"Don't hurt her, Tsubaki," he says in a low growl, his heartbeat racing fast, too fast under his breast. His fingers are painfully tight around the small box in hand, and he itches to reach for his sword; but he knows one wrong move will result in Lily's blood being spattered across her study.

"This is what you want, isn't it? You can have it- just leave Lily out of this." Ren urges slowly, each syllable measured as he addresses her. He slowly extends his hand, willing her to take the ring box.

"No, Ren, you can't let her take it- you _need_ it!" Lily tries to protest, but is silenced quickly by a persuasive shove from her captor, her blue eyes watery as she stares holes into him.

Tsubaki takes a moment to consider her options, tilting her head. "Oh, I wasn't going to ask permission, but thanks for your consent," she says dryly.

With a snap of her wrist, she's plucked the box from his grip effortlessly, her fingertips just brushing his gloved hand before withdrawing; yet even that small graze threads fire through him.

Something crosses her face he doesn't recognize as she examines the container, something foreign and beautiful and somewhat innocent that flickers only a moment before her mask returns- it makes him wonder why such a useless trinket could mean so much to someone like her.

"You have what you wanted," Ren presses, ever careful with his words. This is where it gets tricky. If he can just catch her off guard… "Now leave Lily be."

The assassin pauses, closing her eyes for just a sliver of time. A humorless smile spreads wider on her face, and a sinking feeling envelopes him.

"Sorry… but I have no place in my life for forgiving pathetic enemies."

Another fleeting second passes as something akin to regret crosses her features; it's such a human emotion, so confusing and dazzling and numbing coming from her, that it takes him off guard.

A mistake he will never forget making- that he will never forgive himself for.

A click resounds; Tsubaki utters something, but he's too shocked to register it as her finger pulls the trigger, closing the door on whatever hope he may have had.

The explosion is deafening.

His vision is filled with crimson; he's screaming, drawing his sword in anger and pain and _oh god what has he done he's too late he's breaking apart_ _and there's so much blood-_

" _Lily!_ "

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This is unbeta'd.
> 
> This is also written to the songs Word Game, Re:Birthed, Prisoner of Love and Desire, and Soleil.
> 
> Yes, I'm aware it's been a month since my last update. Yes, I am also aware this chapter is 5k long. No, I don't think this does nearly enough justice to KB/R:B, but I did my best and I'm sticking to it. Since I know nothing of KB's plot other than the PVs for the songs, I really did just go at it with my imagination. Bear with me, everyone.
> 
> I'm thinking... two more chapters in this arc, and it comes to a close. Which means a lot of shizz is going to go down in the next chapters, so hold onto your seats, ladies and gents, it's gonna be a mess.
> 
> Also, I'm hoping the next chapter isn't as long as this one, but *sweats nervously* I never make promises.
> 
> And I have no idea when next update will be because life is whacked.
> 
> Nice.
> 
> Thanks for reading and all that jazz! Reviews are always appreciated!
> 
> Read on~!
> 
> ~disclaimer~ I own nothing but broken fate and a lot of screaming.


	10. Make-Believe Fate

Funerals are always the most somber of affairs.

Attended by friends, loved ones, strangers alike- their meaning is to send off the dead with affection and sorrow. To mourn the loss of someone who was dear, or to remember someone who made an impact on your life.

A beautiful, deep mahogany casket laid out on white, faces its captive crowd of the living. It is decorated with the flowers she was named after, their white blooms so innocent in the light filtering through the room. Untainted; pure.

Nearby, a picture of the deceased smiles out at them, radiant, just as sweet as the flowers. It makes him feel sick, knowing she will no longer smile.

He's unable to remember when he arrived, or how. His day felt hazed and confused, like his heart had stopped at the same time hers had.

Regret is the emotion he feels the most. Regret, sorrow… and anger.

At Lily herself, for helping him, for dying, for being there for him when he knew she should have kept her distance.

At Tsubaki, for pulling the trigger and dousing him in his friends' blood, something she's come to have accomplished too easily.

Mostly at himself, for not being strong enough to kill her, for being weak and just one second too late.

Her death will always weigh itself down on his shoulders; and he will not complain. He will bear the burden of this for the rest of his life. It's the least he can do, to atone.

His sight is constant on the closed casket. They wouldn't dare show Lily like she is- her once lovely face marred. His fault, always. The remorse crushes him, squeezing his chest until he feels he can't breathe.

She would tell him to cheer up- mistakes happen. She would tell him to forgive himself because in the end, there was nothing really he could have done.

But he knows she'd be wrong; he could have killed Tsubaki. He could have ripped the gun from her hands and pointed it back at her, drastically changing the fate of their lives- of Lily's...

She is no longer here to offer him false reassurances, and he's left with only the harsh reality of his inability.

The sadness in the large room is palpable; Lily was important to so many people. He knows each person loved her, as a mother figure, as a friend. She was much more than just another victim of Tsubaki… yet here she is. Lying lifeless with a gunshot wound to the head, courtesy of the world's most sadistic assassin.

Everything after that moment was fuzzy, like he had dreamt the entire gruesome encounter, but one thing remained distinct in his mind. One moment that, while crystal clear from adrenaline, still made no sense.

.X.

_She's motionless, her blood puddling around her body in an ugly crimson halo. He can't look at her, at the seeping wound or her wide, empty blue eyes. They glare back at him, showcasing his failure, his poor judgment._

_How she must hate him, for not saving her._

_The sight has stunned him, sent him reeling into chaos. He feels the sword drop from his grip, barely raised more than a moment against her killer, and his legs fold under him. He feels nauseous- he wants to erase her body, this moment, time itself so he doesn't have to live through this._

_His hands cover his face, and he honestly doesn't care if Tsubaki strikes him down where he kneels. Lily was his friend, and he had promised her- not just her, but everyone that trusts him, that he would save them. That he would make the killing end._

_Lily was added to the list of the murdered, and the people to blame are the only two left alive in the room._

_His thoughts are so clouded in panic that he doesn't register Tsubaki's approach until she's upon him. She leans down to his level, heat and venom but suddenly subdued, formal. Her face mirrors his for a moment, her eye seeking within his for something even he can't find._

_She murmurs something lost to his madness, but later he remembers it like a sour note played over and over, to taunt him in ways unimaginable. It makes him recoil like a wounded animal, his fingers finding his weapon again to fend her away because she's inhuman, she's a monster and he can't figure out why he still cares about how she feels._

_She killed his friend, yet still her words rush through his bloodstream like adrenaline._

" _I'm sorry, Ren."_

.X.

His grip crushes the lily's stem in his hand, his footsteps heavy as he takes his turn to visit her coffin. He doesn't belong in this crowded room of people who loved her. His place is out there, hunting down Tsubaki and making her _pay_ for this. She had fled the scene so quickly, as if she'd been naught but a figment of his mind- but the evidence of her presence there had already stained the floor of the study, and tainted his heart blacker than before.

He still can't understand why she apologized, and it's infuriating. She would never say something like that- it's 'below her'. He never imagined she would say it to anyone, much less himself.

She is an enigma, every action unexpected, never predictable enough to be caught.

Slowly he lays the flower down amongst all the others, his farewell tribute that doesn't seem like nearly enough. Somehow, he'll make sure her death was not in vain. He _will_ end Tsubaki's killings.

He'll end _her._

His sight catches on something hidden amongst the mass of lilies, something just as misplaced as he. A fully bloomed, beautiful white head of a camellia, sitting primly in its near invisible spot- much too foreboding for an innocent flower.

The burning nausea in the back of his throat rears its head again, thinking Tsubaki had been in this room at Lily's side, and placed this here without him even knowing that she was nearby. His eye scans the room of mourners behind him, searching for the familiar gleam of her crimson iris, her figure melded into the crowd- anything that shows her presence.

She had been _here_ , but… why? Why would she risk discovery simply to leave such an obvious mark?

 _I'm sorry, Ren._ Her words replay, whispered in his ear as clearly as if she had just said it once more.

Could she really be sorry?

Could there be something human left in Tsubaki after all...?

His teeth grind together as he leans over the coffin, his hands splayed to the colored wood beneath him. He hasn't let the sorrow wash over him nearly as hard as when Lily had died, but the combination of grief and frustration finally takes its toll, his gaze blurring for the first time in what seems like forever.

(He'd almost forgotten he _could_ cry.)

A bitter recollection takes its place at the forefront of his thoughts, reminding him of why his friend has lost her life in the first place. The ring which means so much to Tsubaki and to him- and the computer at Lily's house that holds everything he needs to know to finally turn the tides of war in their favor. With it, is the key to the end of _her._

Brushing his palm along the surface of the coffin, he shuts his eye and inhales deeply. After the funeral, the first place he'll go is directly to that computer. The sooner he finds out what he needs, the sooner all of it can be _over_. His destiny and hers are linked, and he _will_ discover why.

After he finds her weakness, he will destroy her.

For now, Ren mourns.

.X.

Without Lily in it, the house seems much colder.

Ren's footsteps echo through the silence, foreboding in the emptiness. Her things are left untouched, and seeing the knickknacks she kept throughout, things that spoke of her and who she was- it all burns him, setting his soul on fire and damning him for his failure.

No matter how much regret there is inside him, it will never be enough to fix the past.

He is unhurried in walking back up to the study. Nothing makes him want to see the pool of red still staining the carpet, where Lily had taken her final breath.

Soon it will all be gone. Now that the house is no longer occupied, it will be emptied out. Everything of Lily's will disappear, and it will be as if she never lived here.

Just another of Tsubaki's victims.

He pauses at the door to the study, taking a deep breath and bracing himself for what's to come. Then he turns the knob and enters.

The first thing he sees is the crimson circle embedded in the floor, a grim reminder of the events that took place here. Turning his gaze from it, he takes in the still-shattered window, and thankfully the laptop, unmoved during the ordeal. Tsubaki had either not thought to take it, hadn't checked, or…

...Maybe she wants him to find whatever is hidden there.

Ren strides around the desk and turns the computer on- finding a password screen. He grimaces. _Damn it- how can I figure it out? Can I guess it?_

He tests it out, typing in various answers that fail. He uses his name, hers, her birthday- but nothing gets through. Frustrated, a half hour later with her computer still locked tightly, he frowns, wracking his brain for the right password. He's checked all her drawers, searching for a note or anything he can use, but it all proves futile.

_Am I not looking in the right places? Is it obvious and I'm looking too hard?_

A memory resurfaces of an exchange with Lily that seems much too long ago to have been just a few days. Sitting together in the office, a flower in her hair, a sorrowful smile on her face that lasted only a fleeting second before being erased.

" _Maybe red isn't really my color."_

He remembers staring down at the fallen petals on the floor, and thinking they were nothing like Lily. That they shouldn't be tied to someone like her.

Without hesitating, he types in the first word that comes to mind-

_Camellia._

The computer unlocks.

He stares at the screen, dumbfounded. Why would Lily leave her password as 'Camellia'? It doesn't make sense- and he most likely will never understand. (Nor can he ask her anymore.) He knows it's tied to _her_ , and that flower- but…

He doesn't have time to dwell right now. He can question everything later. For now, seeing the information on his enemy is most important. She is first priority.

Thankfully Lily still has her findings up, and he clicks through them, absorbing the images laid out in front of him. It's Tsubaki, certainly; a side profile shot of her. X rays, basic information, the like; her personal records that Miku must have kept. She's constantly referred to as 'Project T'- an experiment.

He's shocked to see that her history includes extended tortures. Miku had been trying to strengthen her, to create a bloodthirsty, vengeful machine. She's been put under intensive periods of procedures deemed animalistic, cruel. No part of her skin hasn't seen pain.

_No wonder she's so sadistic. I wonder if most of her scars are from those 'training' sessions._

Something catches his eye. Written words about her headpiece, the bloodstained camellia Tsubaki is always adorned with, locked into her gold strands like a permanent attachment.

_The hairpiece keeps Project T in check. Not to be removed under any circumstances. Is able to repress previous memory, and stop experiment from feeling sustained injuries. Controls and sends signals to the experiment under its influence. If subject is disobedient, we are immediately notified._

Ren gazes at the picture of her shown beside the information. When it was taken, her eye was haggard and wild; the crimson color was dulled with pain. He can't imagine the fight they must've gone through to give it to her.

So… she's being controlled by Miku. Like a puppet on strings, she's become just another pawn in a much bigger game. Used, meant to be the trump card that slaughters everything, but still just as disposable as the rest.

Much like himself, he muses darkly.

Wait… This says that the faux camellia represses memory. Could this be why she seems so determined to find her own past? Because it won't let her remember?

Is he tied to her past, like he thinks she is to his own?

Everything about this screams out at him, beckoning him. She _does_ know something. It's clear to him as crystal; but even she can't help him, unless he rids her of that hairpiece.

A sudden burst of anger fills him, and his fist slams into the heavy wooden desk.

 _Why are we used like this?_ The question bounces in his skull endlessly, wrecking his thoughts. He shouldn't feel so betrayed, but seeing even Tsubaki used in such a way- tortured into submission, despite her fiery self- it burns inside him like his soul is set aflame.

He's always known he's been a puppet like her. Even Kaito, the man who took care of him when he was young, lost and broken, uses him because he's the only one who can fell Tsubaki.

Ren never _cared._ It gave him purpose; to fight alongside the people he called family meant that his life had new meaning.

What would become of him once he finally killed her?

Shaking those thoughts, he takes a deep breath, his chest constricting. He can't think this way, he _can't._ It will break him, and he needs to focus.

Focus… on the bloodthirsty assassin he's ready to lay his life down to destroy.

(Or, perhaps, he'll be saving her from being played around with like a battered doll?)

A memory resurfaces for him- a fuzzy image of the plastic ring Tsubaki had killed Lily over. Nothing but a cheap trinket, it holds so much of himself and of her in its little silver band.

She was so desperate to get it back… but why? Was it to give it to Miku? Is she trying to use it to find her way back to her own memories?

How does it connect to her and Ren? He keeps seeing those children with it, from his dream, so happy and carefree. The picture of the two of them he carries with him right now.

The picture…

He fumbles inside his coat pocket, drawing the fading photo from it and laying it down on the table. His blue gaze scans over it, seeing the faces of the smiling children, trying to connect the dots.

 _Who_ _are_ _you?_

A lightning bolt of pain sears his mind, and he winces, his fingers digging into his messy strands, grimacing. Every time he tries to remember, it's like ripping into his own brain to dig out the truth. Were his own memories repressed like Tsubaki's?

A loud ringing in his coat startles him. He'd been so preoccupied with figuring out the enigma behind everything he's learned, that he hadn't been paying attention to how much time was passing.

Retrieving his phone and seeing Kaito Shion's name, he breathes out slowly and answers. "This is Kagamine."

"Where are you?" The curt, no-nonsense voice asks him, seeming out of breath. In the background, Ren can hear a cacophony of sounds he can't distinguish.

"Doesn't matter. What's going on?" His brows knit together. Something is off in Shion's voice.

"Hatsune's made her move," Ren catches from the other end. "She's sent out a mass amount of troops- and Tsubaki's cleaving her way through our southern border. We need you here _now_. This is the _last_ time we let her take us by surprise. You need to finish Tsubaki and give us the advantage."

The blond's eyes widen. Hatsune went after the southern border instead of the already weakened northeast? Did she know it was because they reinforced the protection there? Damn it, Tsubaki went there to elude them and take them off guard. He should've realized she wouldn't just make an appearance to cause him trouble, as like her as it is.

"Ren, get here. We're going all out and sending everyone we have. This is our last battle. Are you ready?" Shion's voice crackles, and Ren can hear gunfire in the background.

So this is it. The last time he'll face _her_ , and the muzzle of her weapon. The last time he'll come inches from her malicious smile, and the ruby color of her iris.

The final battle. He'll end it for good this time.

Finally, the cycle of pain will end- and one or the other will be saved.

(One of them will die.)

...How fitting.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I meant to update this on RTI's birthday in December, but I forgot somehow? So this update is actually a month or so late, whoops. Here it is, everyone. 
> 
> So here we are, and there should be one final chapter after this (if I ever finish writing it.) Then we slip into a new arc, another tragic destiny- doomed to repeat this very same cycle.
> 
> If you haven't heard, my fanfics are becoming a bit far in-between thanks to life and lack of inspiration/motivation. Well- the reason this hasn't been touched is around the time the last chapter was updated, Blessed Messiah and The Tower of AI came out by Hitoshizuku-P and Yama, and I was hit with a burning desire to write for it. Speed forward to now, when that fic is finally finished, and I'm ready to sit back and start working on this once more.
> 
> I do hope that my updates will be sooner, but for now I'm lucky if I finish a fic a month. However, I just want y'all to know i appreciate that you read my work and enjoy it. Thank you so much.
> 
> Anyway, enough chat. I'll see you in the next chapter.
> 
> Read on~.
> 
> ~Disclaimer~ I own only the idea of a dismal funeral and the tragedy held within tomorrow. Nothing more.


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